I feel like I need to get something off of my chest. All of the sudden as I sat down I got this urge to write about what I'm feeling right now, and since this is like my diary, I thought I would just share with you, who ever is reading this.
I'm going through a stage, or period in my life where I really want to break the heck out of my shell. I want to explore as many possibilities as I can and try my very best at things I'm passionate about. Things like blogging, design, photography, modeling, writing, music, and just creating anything in general. But, and I hate to say this, but I feel like I don't belong where I live. Where I live is small, and I personally don't think it's right for what I want to do. Somewhere I need to be is a place like California or New York...California is a lot more believable, cause New York is very expensive and across the country, but I have always seen myself living in Cali, on the beach, enjoying every second of life I can. It's the land of opportunity, where a creative weirdo like me would fit right in. I won't lie, I'm getting choked up as I'm writing this..I want to leave so badly and just start my life already...Does anyone else feel like this??
As hard as it will be for me to leave my mom and dad, I need to grow a backbone and realize that growing up is apart of nature and I'm gonna have to do it sometime or another. It's hard for me to imagine that I am already 17 and I will be leaving soon, not because I have to, but because I WANT to. And it's taken me a long time to figure out if I was going to or not.
Another thing that is bothering me is getting a job. I really really really want to get one, and I really want to start making money. And I don't just want to make money for the sake of having money, but I want to earn it and show myself that I can. And, I need to start saving up a lot of it if I'm planning and dreaming of leaving the state.
I guess I could say I have a perfectly imperfect dream in my head. I know, for the most part, what I want to do, but I need to work hard to get there, to that point. Oh, and my whole school situation. That's a whole other post. It's really been keeping me up at night. Do I stay online or do I go back to a regular school?? I really miss being around people and teachers, i really do. And I keep thinking, maybe I made the wrong decision to switch over to online. Honestly I have no fricken idea. But right now I've been having a hard time with that.
Anyway, I guess this was just a random spur of the moment journal session haha. Are you guys going through anything at the moment? If you ever need someone to talk to, please never hesitate to talk to me. That's something that I love to do, is give advice and talk to people who need talking to. I hope everyone is having a great day or night :)
Maddie
I really can't believe it's already halfway through June. Can you believe that? It seems like we were all waiting so anxiously for summer to come and now it's here full force. Time is going bye suuuper fast, and that scares me a bit, and that's why I wanted to create a list of things I want to do before this season is over. Summer to me is a time to be free, have endless nights, and memories that you'll never forget.
1. Make new friends// This is an important one for me. I'm not quite sure how I'll go about doing this, but I know I want to meet people. Even over the internet and through blogging. Meeting and talking to new people makes me feel so happy and it even turns my creativity on. So, wanna be friends?! ;)
2. Work on my photography skills// Since getting my amazing new camera, I've been trying to work with the different features it offers. It can sometimes make me feel stupid because I have never really worked with a camera like this, so I really want to perfect the way I take my pictures.
3. Re-decorate my room// I am SO excited to do this. It's actually been a loooong time since I've done anything to my room, and to be honest I've totally grown out of it. I have completely changed my taste in furniture and style, which is kind of weird to me. I used to be all about vintage, victorian, and ornate designs. Now, while I still love vintage, I'm more minimal and simple. I like a lot of whites, simple lines, and pops of color every now and then.
4. Change my hair// I've already done a post on this, but I really have to change up my hair. I just know that if I change my hair, I'll feel like a completely different person, and I need that haha. I'm growing and changing and learning so many things that I already feel different, so I need to look different!
5. Travel// This one is a no brainer. I would love to make it to California, because that place is like my second home, but I don't know if I'll be able to get there this summer. It really puts a pit in my stomach because I love that place so much. Since I might not make it there, I want to travel around my state and head up North to Sedona. It's sooooo beautiful there, with tons of red rock mountains, forests, and creeks. I can't wait to spend a couple of nights there with my mom :)
6. Get a dark tan// Not so serious, but this is always a goal of mine for summer!! Usually I get pretty dark and my hair lightens up...ahh the signs of Summer :)
7. Upgrade my blog// This is something I've wanted to do for a little while now, but I just wasn't ready. Now I think since I'm committed to my blog and I've been learning the ins and outs to it, I'm closer to knowing what I want my blog to look like. It's so hard because I'm a picky person and I get bored of things easily so I want to make sure I can create something I'll like for a long time!
8. Meditate/Do yoga every morning// This one takes some dedication, but I'm really dedicated to both of them. Yoga isn't new for me, I've actually done it for a while, but I'm just starting to learn about meditation and what it can do for your body and mind. Really, you need to look up what it does because it's pretty amazing. I'm willing to wake up an extra 30-45 minutes earlier so I can fit this into my morning. I find that when I do yoga before I even leave my bedroom, my whole outlook on the day has changed and I feel energized and happy.
9. Bake// ooooooh how I absolutely LOVE to bake. Normally, I will bake cookie dough bites, cookies, brownies, or something like that. I usually make my creations vegan/semi vegan/gluten free too. I bake a lot, and I've gotten some really good tips and recipes down that I've made and created from scratch. Now I think it's time that I move onto some more difficult things to bake vegan/gluten free like cakes, cupcakes, and things like that. And of course I can then create some recipe posts! :)
10. Explore new hobbies// I am a very creative person, and I pretty much love a lot of different activities. From painting to writing to photography, running, swimming, baseball, baking, cooking, and pretty much creating anything in general. But as I said before in a few posts, this last year has been tough for me and my creative brain kind of shut off when I went into a sad/depressed little world. BUT, I'm over that now, well trying to push my way through, and I am READY to grow and develop my little different kind of a brain haha :) And I realize that in order to switch my brain back to 'on' I need to push myself to do those kinds of creative things.
So this is just a little tiny list of things I wanna do, I actually might post another one of like 25 things I wanna do or something, but just not as in depth. I really am excited this Summer, just to start doing things I want to do, especially since school is finally over!!
Tell me something you want to do this summer! <3
xx,
Maddie
