Reaching Out

There are so many aspects to blogging that I love, but my favorite part, and arguably the best part, is meeting so many different people. A week ago, I made it a goal to reach out to a ton more people on Instagram and tumblr, even through blogs on bloglovin'. I can't believe it, but I've gained over 100 new followers within a couple of days, and for me thats a lot! Leaving comments on pictures leads to so many different possibilities on relationships and followings. Before I set up goals for myself, I was kind of a ghost follower. I never really commented or let people know what I think so of course no one is gonna find me! I don't know why it never clicked, but suddenly it did. Even within the span of a week, I've gotten close/gotten to know some bloggers well and so many more are finding me. I feel so much more in the loop and connected. It's not always about the number of followers you have or gain, but it is nice to see that people are actually finding what I share and enjoy it, you know? It's important to set goals for yourself, and layout what you really want to happen for yourself, because anything you set your mind to CAN happen. You have the power to make your life the way you want it :) Reach out to people! Create new friendships and hobbies. <3

Have a lovely Monday everyone :)

Killer Comparison

This whole week I've dealt a lot with this feeling. This feeling of constantly comparing myself to literally every girl I see, read about, stalk on Instagram. For a while, I was able to stop doing this to myself, because I was in a good place mentally, but lately it's been hard. Things like how many followers she has, how perfect her skin is, how fit she is, it's all been bothering me. And it doesn't feel good. It brings me down, and I'm not the type of person that likes to feel that way! Why do we do this to ourselves? Each and every one of us are totally different, separate human beings. NONE of us should ever want to be anybody but ourselves. But do we blame social media? Or is it just human nature to want something so badly? I realize that in this "business" of blogging, there is a great deal of comparison on every level. From blog design, to followers to the types of writing and pictures posted…sometimes it all gets a bit too much and it overwhelms me, and on some days I feel like just walking away from it all. But its just a matter of how you take it. You CANT compare your own beautiful, unique being to someone else…you just cant. Everyone has their own journey, their own style, their own followers. And not everyone will like each other! But thats okay. It's how the world works. If you compare yourself to the blogger with 500,000 followers and a picture perfect life on the outside, you will feel miserable and let down. Instead, create a vision of what you want for yourself. What makes you happy and excited? What would you do for the rest of your life if money didn't matter? Go do that. You'll find yourself and your happiness, and the right people will find you and follow you. You can't want to be a copy of someone else because life doesn't work that way. Instead, just BE YOU. Block out the negative, the comparison and love who YOU are. Because you're amazing and unique and special, and there's only one of you. So be the best you you can be and everything will work out the way it should.

Comparison is the thief of happiness. So when you find yourself comparing, take a step back from life and get back to who you really are. <3

Setting Sun

Lately, I've been so awestruck and taken back by the sunset. Even if I catch two minutes of it, my mind and body feel electrified and recharged. Standing on cold grass, feeling the warmth of the setting sun, while capturing the view of a hot pink and tangerine sky. It's invigorating. Especially after a long, stressful day, nothing is better than watching a sunset. The special part is when it goes dark, and the sky goes purple, then the black silhouettes of trees and mountains come into view. I always get the urge to take a thousand pictures, because none of them ever look the same. This time of day is perfect for reflection, to give gratitude, and visualize abundance for yourself. It's such a special few moments, to ground yourself with your soul and the earth. So the next time the sun sets, take the time to enjoy it for yourself :)

Past Memories

During my study hall at school, i had brought one of my old journals from home to look through, because i like to do that every once and a while. It's fun to see what I was up to in past years. Anyway, holy cow was I in a time warp. It was soooo weird to see what kind of thoughts I was thinking, and how I was perceiving the future. I was writing about what kinds of things I wanted to achieve with starting Youtube, getting my first camera, and things like that. Even a year ago I was still thinking some of the same thoughts I am today, like where the heck am I going to be in a year?? It freaks me out and I wish I could control that emotion more, but I can't. Life is going to keep moving forward no matter what.

The other night my mom had left to go to a class, so it was just me and my dad at home. Normally, after dinner he goes into the living room and works/watches tv and I clean up the kitchen and go do whatever I do. But this night, he stayed in the kitchen with me and talked to me. We had such a deep conversation, and it lasted 2 HOURS. I haven't had a conversation like that with my dad in I don't even know how long. It felt so good to get some things off of my chest, like talking about my eating disorder with him, how I'm trying to gain weight, what I think about school and how I'm doing with "future plans", he even asked me about my hobbies and I told him how I wanted to start modeling, which is something I've always been afraid of admitting! But I did and he said he is on my side no matter what. He gave me his insights about everything and I listened, and we even got a bit emotional. Honestly I loved every minute of it. We ended up hugging for a long time at the end and in that moment I felt so secure, like everything is going to end up okay. Sometimes I wish I could have more talks like that. It just gives me a sense of knowing that I'm in really good hands and that life is going to be okay during these confusing times. Anyway, I thought I would share that because it was a really special moment with my dad and I want to remember it forever.

Maddie

Daydreamin'

Lately I've been so focused and uptight about this upcoming summer, that I think it's staring to consume me a little too much. I know I shouldn't be as worried as I am about what is coming after I graduate, but when will I start to figure it out, you know? I feel like I've over thought so many things that some of what I've thought doesn't even make sense anymore, if that makes sense haha. I want so badly to get a job, blog like a real blogger, and have everything in my life just fall into place. And I know that's a lot to ask for when I'm not even 18 yet. And I guess that's social media to thank. Making it look like those perfect bloggers have their perfect lives, living out their day dream everyday. It stinks that everything takes time and patience, but then again that's the whole point of life, isn't it? To create those memories and relationships between the hard times and the journeys. 

I'm really trying hard to visualize what I want and to write down my goals, because when I used to do that when I was younger, it would always happen oddly enough. I don't know why I ever stopped that in the first place. Do any of you write down what you want to achieve, and do you find that it helps you to accomplish that goal?? 

Just daydreaming….

Maddie

Weekly Recap

Where did this week gooooooo. Gosh and I'm really sorry I've kind of been slacking here. It's killing me. Since it was my first week back at school it's been a little crazy around here. Honestly these three days at school felt like a couple of weeks haha! Anyway I had a pretty good week, yesterday I also went to a college event for FIDM (Fashion Institute for Design and Merchandising in California), which is my DREAM school. I absolutely loved it and it gave me goosebumps to listen to the students' stories of going there. The only problem is I have no idea what I would want my major to be, so I have to think about that. I sat there and listened and munched on yummy food they had in the back. Seriously they had some good food.

I'm finally feeling like myself after being sick for almost a month. I mean, I still have a bit of a headache and a sore throat, but I've been able to workout and feel GOOD again :) lalala yay.

How was everyone's week? Catch me up :)

Maddie 

What the Future Holds

Today I went back to the doctor for a check up, just to see how the medicine I took worked and if I'm feeling okay, which I am! :) I'm definitely feeling full of energy and more like myself, which I am soooo thrilled about. I knew the doctor was going to bring up if I've been eating more, and I was stern with him to make sure he knew i most surely am. I mean seriously guys, I've been doubling my portions and eating an extra meal at night too. What I don't understand is I've only gained two pounds since I saw him three weeks ago, so that kind of bothers me. For anyone who doesn't know, I have to gain about 12-15 pounds to get back to a normal weight :/ The doctor still wants me to see a nutritionist, which i'm not completely sure about. I've already learned so much about food and the body, that a nutritionist couldn't outsmart me or talk me into anything. So I guess I'll just have to see how it goes. And tomorrow (wednesday). Oh boy. I have to go back to school tomorrow after being gone for three weeks. I'll be honest and say I'm nervous. I really hope some of my teachers give me a break on the work I've missed, I know it sounds childish of me and I'm almost 18 and I should make up what I missed, but this is a different kind of school and it's hard to explain the kind of work we do haha. Anyway, I'll have to keep you guys updated on whether or not I'm even staying at this school. Loooong story.

Okay well this post is already long enough, I didnt think it would get this lengthy! How is everyone's week going? :)

Maddie

Being Honest

Happy Sunday everyone. Look I have to come right out and saying, getting pneumonia really knocked me to the floor. I haven't been myself, and I have felt absolutely terrible. I can't tell you how many times I've opened my computer, tried to write, and just sat there going crazy. I didn't want to force any junkie posts, so I just shut my laptop. I've cried more times than I can count in the past few days. Don't you hate that feeling when you just want to feel better or like yourself and it doesn't happen? It's seriously driven me crazy. I've been stuck on the couch for almost 10 days and I haven't been able to leave the house. And I am not one to just sit all day! Even when I'm sick I have a hard time staying still and resting, which isn't a very good thing haha. 

I've also had a lot on my mind about eating more. I can't mess around this time, so I have been eating a ton more. It's been tough, especially for me whose a control freak. I've had to eat huge meals when I'm stuffed from the meal before, and eat more before I go to bed, but it's what it's come down to. I have to gain a minimum of 15 pounds, so we'll see how it goes. My mom also forced me to eat some chicken soup, so I had to eat that. She also bought me a piece of salmon too, so she made me eat that. I guess I just have to suck it up. Eating no chicken or fish has done nothing good for my body, so I just have to accept that my parents are going to make me eat it. I don't agree with eating animals, but like I said I have no choice until I can get some weight on my body. I will keep updating you guys on how I'm doing. 

My iPhone came in!!! Which totally put me in a better mood. Seriously I danced when the mail guy dropped it off haha! 

So that's just whats going on with my life at the moment. I really hope to get my creativity back. I don't know if I'm going to school tomorrow (i may or may not be praying to stay home lol). I hope everyone has had a good weekend :)

Maddie

I'm Thankful for...

I have to be honest, I've been going through a rough patch with coming up with blog ideas. Ever since school started, it has been a bit hard to manage this blog, school work, and other activities I have going on. It makes me appreciate all of the bloggers out there who work their butts off to create such amazing content. It blows my mind how they are able to do so much at a time and still put their all into their blogs. Some days I'll have a bunch of ideas I'll be able to do something with, and other days I'm staring aimlessly at my computer screen just waiting for something to spark. 

After sitting on my bed for a little while I grabbed an old journal of mine where I started to collect my future goals and blog/youtube ideas, and after reading through a couple of pages I just smiled and felt SO much better. Looking through those pages made me realize that I really do have a passion for this, I just needed some reminding. I think like a lot of other people, life gets in the way and sometimes when we start to compare ourselves to others we just want to stop everything and curl up in a ball in our beds haha! 

Anyway, it just got me thinking I am SO thankful for where I am today. Mentally, physically. I am so thankful for the school I'm attending, the yoga classes I'm taking (which by the way are completely life changing), the pure healthy food I eat, my soft cozy bed and sheets. Im thankful for my outstanding parents who always go out of their way to help me with whatever I need...I could go on and on. I'm thankful for the beautiful weather I walk in after dinner, the amazing hot pink and purple sunset I get to witness every night. I'm thankful for my amazing camera I was able to purchase for my birthday, all of my wonderful makeup i'm addicted to! ;) Hahaha 

So overall I think I just needed a little reminder of why I started this blog in the first place. I love to write, I have a passion for a bunch of different things, and I like to speak about my thoughts towards them. I love getting to know people online, and I love social media and branding too. When I first discovered 'blogging' and 'graphic design' a couple years ago, I was SO fascinated, and now years later I still am and I hope to have a job that involves all of the details I just listed :)

I'm so thankful for YOU reading this! :)

Maddie

Weekend Vibes

// Out of this world Persian food //

 

// Major rainstorms ending with rainbows//

// Going on a long long morning walk in the beautiful fresh rain air//

// Hurting my brain thinking about my blog design (really I've been struggling lol)//

// Lighting my pumpkin candle and doing yoga when I wake up (ah bliss)//

// Snuggling in bed with my tea catching up on youtube/blogs/magazines//

// Pinning and pinning and pinning s'more (it's a bad addiction)//

// Thinking too much about the future//

How was your weekend?

Maddie

Social Media Break

So for the past two months I've taken a break from social media. Meaning I haven't checked twitter or instagram ONCE! This is a very big deal for me because I was kind of addicted to it, badly. As soon as I would open my eyes after my alarm went off, I would reach right for my phone and check twitter, then instagram, and maybe pinterest. I would go on with my day and check it periodically. And then before I went to bed (meaning lying under my covers in the dark) I would scroll endlessly for over an hour before I even shut my eyes. I noticed that I was starting to not even care what I was reading, but I was just addicted to checking the apps. So without even making it a goal or anything, I just stopped checking it for good. And surprisingly, it didn't phase me at all. Since August 17th, I haven't checked twitter or instagram up until today, and I'm not even upset or agitated by it. I feel like I haven't really missed out on anything and it's helped me to realize I won't die without these sites!

Basically, I was able to wake up more peacefully, and have an extra 30 minutes or so to do something else, in my case meditate and do yoga before I exercise in the morning. And before bed, I make a nice cup of warm tea now and grab a magazine or a book and get inspired that way. And I LOVE it. Even though I want to be a blogger and social media is a part of the job, it's always nice to take a cleanse and realize what's most important. 

So I think I want to check my feeds regularly again, but not the way I was before, because you know I still like to keep up to date with the people I follow! ;) And if you're not totally addicted instagram and twitter are very creative and inspiring apps, especially to us writers/bloggers/designers.

Have you ever gone on a 'social media cleanse?'

Maddie

So Crazy

Okay, hello!! I am still here. I can't believe it's been like 5 days since I posted something and I feel really bad about that. This week went bye so fast, honestly I don't even remember it being monday. I actually had more homework than normal, and I kind of just felt off. I dont know, I've been over thinking a lot of things and the past few days I've just needed time to myself. I haven't even really been using my computer that much which is a shocker haha, cause I'm ADDICTED to it! But anyway, after going to this meditation/yoga class with my mom a couple nights ago, I feel so much clearer and calmer. I was letting myself slip into that hole of sadness and anxiety again and I wanted to catch myself before I really got caught in it. 

Anyway, it's kind of late at night and I was watching a few (haha or more) youtube videos and listening to some of my favorite throwback songs, and all of the sudden I felt this sense of knowingness that I am going to be okay, future-wise. It's kind of hard to explain, but this past week (and for the past 2 years) I have struggled with worrying too much about what I'm going to do after high school. I have some sort of general idea, but I have always let fear get in my way. Tonight, I felt like that fear lifted off of my chest in a way. Like right now, I feel like I can pack up my things and just move, like I've wanted to for ever since I can remember. Do any of you have that problem? Just wanting something so badly but blowing the idea away because you think you're not worthy or good enough for it? Yeah that's what I've always felt.

So I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I guess I will just start writing what I want to say. For a good year now, I've wanted to start uploading my own youtube videos. I uploaded ONE video on my birthday this year, and then sort of chickened out and never gave it a second chance. Well I'm telling you right now, I am SO ready to finally upload what I want to. I mean, I have so much motivation right now it's crazy. I have let fear push me away and change my mind and let me feel inferior, and I'm tired of it. After going through so much crap over the past couple of years, after giving up and hitting rock bottom, I am ready to just be me and do whatever the hell I want. Because it's my life and I wasted precious years, months, days just sitting and over thinking and not doing anything that made me happy. Yes I kind of wish I can turn back time, but without these horrible never ending days, I wouldn't have the knowledge I do today. 

I want to continue with my blog, but now I really want to put forth more effort. I will admit, yes I am AFRAID of putting out some content just because of what other people might think. I know it sounds stupid but its what the internet does to people. It creates this sort of competition. And I'm done being afraid, I'm just going to BE ME and do what I want. I feel so free and so open to new things, and I really want to inspire anybody reading this to stop worrying about other people, stop worrying about the future, the past, the haters, the whiners. JUST STOP AND BREATHE AND BE IN THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW. Right. NOW. You can change the way you feel in an instant, and I did tonight, and now look at me haha. I have all of these thoughts going through my head and I just have to get them out before I go to bed :) 

So in a nutshell, I'm just going to push myself. I'm going to challenge myself to write down my goals, to do what makes me happy, to do what I WANT even if it makes me a little scared or nervous, because that's life and those are emotions we feel, but we don't have to let them take over our lives. I'm ready to finally be me and do/create what I want. And I can't wait to share it with you guys :) 

I hope this wasn't too long or pointless but I just had to write a little bit. Again school kind of took over this week so I'm sorry for not putting anything up-I wouldn't want to put out bad content just for the sake of putting something up :)

I love you-whoever is reading this :)

Maddie

5 Ways To Make Your Day Better

I don't know about you, but sometimes I wake up in a not so great mood. Even though, for the most part, I try to always stay on the positive side of things, my emotions are too strong and they pull me in the wrong direction. On days like this it's a little tougher for me to find motivation to do things, so I got an idea to share with you guys some little tips on what I do to get out of the weird funk. 

Make a beautiful, delicious breakfast// Okay this one might be weird, but if it's morning and you find yourself unhappy or 'not in the mood', make something good to eat! I love food, like a lot of it lol, and breakfast is probably my favorite meal of the day. Usually I have a nice warm bowl of oatmeal with fruit, nuts, and cinnamon or a delicious green smoothie. It all depends, but I always make sure to make my meal look pretty. It makes me happy! :)

If you're angry or holding tension, exercise// It might not seem like you would want to exercise if you're unhappy, but trust me, it HELPS. Even if you punch your pillows as hard as you can, you will exert that negative energy out of your body and release "feel good hormones" into your brain. I personally like to do something everyday, whether its run, lift weights, do squats, swim, or yoga. I always make sure to switch it up so i don't get bored, because I'm the type of person that can't have the same routine for very long.

Get up, and dress up!// Make yourself look beautiful! Throw on a great outfit that makes you excited, or if you have a new shirt that you haven't worn, wear it! Then, put on a little makeup, or a lot! Who cares, just do what makes you happy. Add the extra cat flick or go for a bold lip. Sometimes when I'm feeling rebellious, I like to wear dark lipstick. It makes me feel SO good ;)

Go for a walk// If the weather is nice, going for a walk is something I love to do, whether if I'm by myself, with a friend or with my family. It clears my head, and often it's when I get some great ideas coming to mind. Plus, there is nothing better than hearing nature. I love to stop in the middle of countless tall trees and just stare at the sky and think about life. You have to remember that we are only given this life once after all, so anything making you upset is really meaningless. Breathe a couple of breaths and feel grateful for everything.

Watch your favorite movie and bake some treats// This might not be for everyone, but yes I am like an 80 year old grandmother, okay?! There is nothing that makes me happier than staying home at night, watching I Love Lucy or the Parent Trap, and baking some cookies. And then eating handfuls of dough lol. And doing it with a friend or my mom is even better!! ;) 

Yes some of these are weird tips, but they help me get out of weird moods and if you've never tried any before you should, just to see if they help you too. Remember, each day is just a day. If you have one bad day, don't scold yourself, and don't hold on to negative energy. Before you go to bed, make a list in your head of things that make you happy, or things that your grateful for. Think about exciting things coming up in your life. When I do this I tire my mind and fall asleep. And then you can start a brand new, fresh day! :) SMILE!! 

Maddie

The Urge

I feel like I need to get something off of my chest. All of the sudden as I sat down I got this urge to write about what  I'm feeling right now, and since this is like my diary, I thought I would just share with you, who ever is reading this.

I'm going through a stage, or period in my life where I really want to break the heck out of my shell. I want to explore as many possibilities as I can and try my very best at things I'm passionate about. Things like blogging, design, photography, modeling, writing, music, and just creating anything in general. But, and I hate to say this, but I feel like I don't belong where I live. Where I live is small, and I personally don't think it's right for what I want to do. Somewhere I need to be is a place like California or New York...California is a lot more believable, cause New York is very expensive and across the country, but I have always seen myself living in Cali, on the beach, enjoying every second of life I can. It's the land of opportunity, where a creative weirdo like me would fit right in. I won't lie, I'm getting choked up as I'm writing this..I want to leave so badly and just start my life already...Does anyone else feel like this?? 

As hard as it will be for me to leave my mom and dad, I need to grow a backbone and realize that growing up is apart of nature and I'm gonna have to do it sometime or another. It's hard for me to imagine that I am already 17 and I will be leaving soon, not because I have to, but because I WANT to. And it's taken me a long time to figure out if I was going to or not. 

Another thing that is bothering me is getting a job. I really really really want to get one, and I really want to start making money. And I don't just want to make money for the sake of having money, but I want to earn it and show myself that I can. And, I need to start saving up a lot of it if I'm planning and dreaming of leaving the state.

I guess I could say I have a perfectly imperfect dream in my head. I know, for the most part, what I want to do, but I need to work hard to get there, to that point. Oh, and my whole school situation. That's a whole other post. It's really been keeping me up at night. Do I stay online or do I go back to a regular school?? I really miss being around people and teachers, i really do. And I keep thinking, maybe I made the wrong decision to switch over to online. Honestly I have no fricken idea. But right now I've been having a hard time with that.

Anyway, I guess this was just a random spur of the moment journal session haha. Are you guys going through anything at the moment? If you ever need someone to talk to, please never hesitate to talk to me. That's something that I love to do, is give advice and talk to people who need talking to. I hope everyone is having a great day or night :)

Maddie

∙•Create, Not Compete•∙

We need to create instead of compete. I sat outside just thinking about everything, and this thought popped into my mind. Wouldn't it be amazing if people everywhere just created anything they wanted to, with the intention of being happy? Not out to compete with anyone, but just for the sake of their own happiness?

Just imagine how much freedom everyone would have. No one would be looking for any anger, stress, competition. 

But why can't it be like that now? Why can't everyone just start to create what they want to? Do you want to create your own blog? DO IT! What's stopping you? The fact that someone else has 10,000 followers? Big deal, because you could get there with hard work and belief that you can.

CREATE something. ANYTHING you want. WITHOUT the intention of doing better than someone else, because THAT DOESN'T MATTER. If cutting out pictures from magazines makes you happy, then do it! Don't worry about what the end result will be, just be in the moment. Love every second of cutting those pictures out. 

By doing and creating what you want, you use your imagination and you set off more thoughts and ideas. And it will make YOU happy, and in turn that makes others happy. But don't do something to be better than, or cooler than, or smarter than 'someone else.' Create the life you want, for YOU.

Just some Tuesday thoughts ~

Maddie