Weekly Recap

1// As I said in this post, I enrolled into an online business/marketing school and I am so FREAKIN EXCITED

2// In my acting class at school, I was cast as Beth for our "Little Women" show. She is a character that ends up passing away lol, but I'm still thrilled I've got a semi-big part!

3// I hit 700 followers AND 800 followers on Instagram. God I freakin love you guys :)

4// I had kind of a crying breakdown about my eating disorder, because I've just been having a rough time. As easy as it may seem to recover on the outside, it's like prison on the inside. But, my mom came in my room and hugged and talked to me for at least an hour and made everything better…she's the best.

5// Lately I've been doing a lot more yoga and flexibility routines, and I've noticed such a difference!! I'm getting more flexible, stronger, and I can even transition into backbends and wheels :D 

The weeks have been going bye so fast and I can barely keep up…like it's MARCH. WHAT?? I'll be graduating high school in 2 months…gulp.

Have a lovely weekend xx

It's Friday, Friday

As I'm typing this I'm eating some deliciouuuus cookie dough my mama made. It's so sweet and melt-in-your-mouth yummy and just had to share that as I reflected on my week haha! So this week school started up again, and even though it's terribly depressing that all of the holiday festiveness is over it really wasn't that bad. I got to experience my fashion class which is everything I could ask for and more, and i met some really nice girls that I've sat with at lunch for the past couple of days and it's just been really nice. It also warmed up a bit, so now I'm not FREEZING in the morning…don't get me wrong I'm still an icicle but I was able to chill out in the sun for a little while which is my favorite thing to do in the summer…agh those summer feels. I also drove to my grandmas house and stayed with her for a couple hours and we talked and reflected about a lot, and that's something i never get to do with her, so that was a nice surprise and it left me feeling really good.

That was my week! I hope everyone has something fun planned for the weekend :) How was your week?

Maddie

Let's Chat

Today I just felt like rambling a bit, so there’s your warning.

Some days I’ll feel on top of the world, like I can do anything and be anything I want to. I will feel strong and powerful and confident. I’ll imagine myself surrounded by great people and wonderful things.

And then on some days, I’ll feel small and weak and not very happy or joyous or grateful. I really hate feeling this way but it just happens.

I was walking around my school campus at lunch and I was thinking about myself and situations I put myself into. There are a couple of nice girls I’ve wanted to talk to for months now, and I haven’t. Because I feel nervous and unaccepted. I feel like they’ll think I’m boring and not “cool” or too shy and quiet. Yes I am like this, but once I get to know someone I have a hard time being serious and shutting up. That’s just me. It’s like I’m afraid to talk…and let people in on my thoughts. I haven’t had a real genuine friend for 4 years. So it’s kind of like I’ve forgotten what having a friend feels like. I’m a Gemini for crying out loud I have MULTIPLE personalities. That I can definitely believe.

Well while I was walking around, one of those girls noticed me and stopped me and welcomed me to sit with her and her friend at lunch. Like, it’s like she read my mind. Did I manifest this?? I believe so. It’s all I’ve been thinking about, making friends and having people to talk to.

How do I get over this anxiety of talking to people and approaching them?? Do I sit down and tell them the truth that I’ve been wanting to talk to them for MONTHS? I really want to, and what would be so bad about that anyway? Obviously they’ve noticed me too… I don’t know. I feel like I’m going bit crazy.

I also haven’t gone to get my job application yet at the store I want. Well, it kind of took me a little while to figure out I need to be in retail, and the store that would be awesome to work in is Urban Outfitters. They WERE hiring for seasonal employees a couple weeks ago, and since I got sick I wasn’t able to go. I really really REALLLLY hope they’re still hiring, because it would be a miracle if they were. Getting into retail would be amazing for the school I want to go to and the field I want to be in. the weeks have been going bye so quickly and I’ve had little things come up. I just feel like I’ve pushed it off to the side and I shouldn’t have.

Anyway, it’s been a long week at school. Everyday I have to stay after 4 extra hours for acting rehearsals, but since I’m not in the play I’ve been doing nothing. The first two days were pretty long, tiring, and boring. But I have to say, the last two days were a lot better…I’ve been getting to talk to more of the girls and get to know them, and all of us have just gotten closer. It’s so cool that I’m actually enjoying parts of this school haha. Weird!!!! ;)

I really want to leave this on a happy note. SO, I’m so excited that I decorated my Christmas tree and made more cookies haha. Pictures to come!! ;)

*ps due to my long days at school I haven’t had any time to do anything at home so that’s why theres been nothing on the blog this week so I'm very sad about that but it will get better soon!

Maddie

School is Cool?

Okay so today…at school…I actually enjoyed myself. I had a good time, and I felt happy. Am I really typing this? Yep I am. And today during lunch, two girls, really nice girls, came up to me and sat with me. And we talked, and it was SO nice. I don't know why this is happening, but I have a feeling its because I've changed my way of thinking dramatically. I don't wake up depressed and mopey anymore, I wake up energized and ready to conquer my day. Instead of walking with my head pointed towards the ground, now I walk and smile to someone who looks at me. It's so refreshing, and almost insane that I got stuck in that rut to where I almost didn't care if I was happy or not. I have to say, it's weird that I'm enjoying school more. I've prayed to the universe to help guide me in the right direction, because I've felt very lost. And I'm starting to feel okay with that. I know I need to relax and understand that I'm young and I don't need to plan out my life right now. But I'm the type of person that likes plans, so. I've got to work on that. I've prayed to make friends, and to get a job, ad I really have a lot of faith that everything is going to fall into place. I know it takes time, I just want it all to happen quickly. 

So this was a post I never really thought I'd write haha! Surprised but very happy. And I'm so happy that I can be in this mood around Christmas time because well this is the most wonderful time of year :)

I love you all so much just so you know, and I hope you're having an amazing day or night whenever you're reading this <3

Maddie

A little life update ☯

Hey guys! I hope you're having a great start to the week :) My life has been a littttlee hectic so I thought I would just fill you guys in on what's going on.

Okay basically, for the last year, I've been doing online school. For the most part I liked it, and there is really nothing to complain about. I've gotten ahead with my classes, and it gives me a pretty flexible schedule. I mean, I'm literally able to do whatever I want or go where ever I want everyday, which is amazing. The thing is, I thought it would've of made me a lot happier as a person, but it truly hasn't. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely in a much better spot mentally than I was 12 months ago, but I still don't feel 'right.' Being at home everyday for school, it can get really draining. Unless you have something planned, you don't leave the house, and this isn't something I really put a lot of thought into. For the first two months, it really wasn't that bad. It kind of felt like summer vacation. But after that, I started to get depressed and lonely, because my mom started her own business and created work for her to do outside of the house. And both of my brothers go to public school, so I was home alone allllll the time. And it started to bother me. I wanted to get a job, but that's a loooong story and we'll just keep it at that haha.

Anyway, it's a year later and my mom brought up a high school that she found through a friend. I would only go here for a year, since this is my last year (god that makes me cringe). It's an arts school, so it specializes in dance, theater, painting/drawing, film making, graphic design, photography, fashion, and basically anything artsy you can think of. Well when my mom told me this i started crying in her arms, because it's something I've been wishing for. A school to learn about what I love and live for. 

So me and my mom got in contact with the head of the school, and I'm scheduled to tour the school in two days. AND, registration for the school is already closed, so if they accept me, it is basically fate that I'm supposed to go to this school. I mean, how crazy is that? I'm just a little anxious because I have never been to a school like this, and it's my last year, so I would be kind of like the newbie in a sea of professionals. I guess I shouldn't worry about it because I would hope I'm happy at this school, but who the heck knows! I have had SUCH a hard time deciding whether I should go there or not...Because if I stayed with online school, I would take classes at a college campus also and get college credits, and get a job. And depending on how much time I would have free if I went to the other school, I would still want to get a job, too...I mean I just have no idea. Please give me some of your thoughts here!! 

So that's a little spot of my school life, I also have some family coming up to stay with us for a few days, but that shouldn't stop me from blogging ;) It's also my brother's birthday this weekend, so I think we'll be doing a little something to celebrate that also. Busy busy busy!

I'm also in need of a haircut desperately. I need to get at least 3 or 4 inches off, and yes that's kind of a lot for me but I want a major change. *Like adding purple major change lol*

I hope everything is going great in your life, and let me know in the comments what you've been up to :)

Maddie