Anorexia Recovery

I've really been thinking about it a lot, and I've come to realize I really want to help other girls going through what I'm going through. Being diagnosed with anorexia/orthorexia is something I never would have thought I would have to deal with. It's been a very long, hard journey for me. I've restricted calories, over-exercised, cut out foods and food groups. I've dealt with extreme weight loss, hair loss, fatigue, you name it. I started my vegan journey a year ago and I feel absolutely wonderful. So, when I see girls with this same problem struggling, it kills me. I so so badly want to help and guide and answer questions. I want to share all of my vegan recipes, tips, and things like that.

Where do I begin? Tumblr? This blog? Another blog? A youtube channel? I want to make the jump. I feel like I'm kind of starting over with my blog. I'm leaning towards more lifestyle, vegan/fitness but also still incorporating beauty and fashion because I love it. I'm trying to set up and figure out a good posting schedule, where maybe every monday is lifestyle, tuesday is something vegan, and so on. But I have to find something that works for me.

Meeting so many different girls from Instagram and blogs who have recovered or are recovering is so special to me. It's like making a new friend, and they know EXACTLY what you're going through. The whole vegan community is so reassuring and lovely and I really want to be apart of it. So I think I'm going to make that my priority :)

I also have a question- do you think there are more vegan tumblr blogs? I feel like there's a lot and I have a better chance of talking to people quicker and easier…what do you think? I just have to learn how to use that site properly haha! ;)

iPhone Life

1//Mega green smoothie with bananas, mango, spinach and coconut water- it was heaven! 2//A chakara charm my mom got me at our favorite yoga studio- i have been wanting this for months and i almost cried when she gave it to me. I can't wait to hang it above my bed. 3//Felt sporty with this beanie. 4//Breakyy-Oats, covered with strawberries, blueberries, almonds and heaps of cinnamon

5//My candy-mango. 6//Wearing my fuzzy pink sweater for the last time with my favorite heart necklace. 7//Killed a workout! 8//Love this nude- Revlon color burst matte balm in the shade 'complex'

Maddie

The Grammy RedCarpet: My Favorite Looks

I know it's only three looks, but to me I thought these were the most beautiful of the night. I thought Taylor arrived looking so sophisticated and beautiful, and kind of like how she used to dress in the big ball gowns. It's different from what she's been wearing recently! Ariana of course STUNNED in that little white Versace gown, the back was my favorite part. I think because she's so tiny its hard for her to pick out any gown that isn't figure hugging, so I thought that silhouette was a perfect fit. And then we have Rihanna, who caused a stir with her gown haha. A lot of people are saying they didn't like it, but I would have to disagree. I think the color is gorgeous and it goes amazingly with her skin color, and the whole body of it to me is fun and funky, just like her personality. It covered her up a lot which is a surprise since she is usually in very little, but I love it overall. I would totally wear it and I think it was a great step for her to wear it!

What were some of your favorite looks from the Grammy's?

oh ps. i changed my blog layout and so far I'm really liking it-what are your thoughts?

xx

What I Want: Workout Gear

I have no idea why but all of the sudden I've been obsessing over workout clothes. It's never been something that I really wanted or needed for that matter, but as I'm getting really into fitness, it's been bothering me that I have no cute clothes to wear while I workout! I recently got some cute athletic hoodies to exercise in, and it gave me such an added burst of energy and motivation to work out and push myself harder haha! You feel so much better when you know you look cute in a good pair of leggings or a sports bra-and not only that it helps you perform better too. My personal favorites that I've been eyeing up are Nike and the Victoria's Secret PINK workout gear. 

Do any of you have a personal favorite? I would love to know recommendations! :)

Happy Monday xx

Maddie

One of those days

For the past few days I feel like I've been going a bit mad. I had sort of an emotional cry with my mom just about life. I want to figure it out, I want to figure out who I am and what I want to do. I want to know how to take action and achieve my goals, big and small. I want to be 18 already so I can get the jobs I want and be taken seriously. I want to figure out my blog and turn this into a space of freedom and creativity. I just want to be surrounded by motivated, like-minded people. 

It's just one of those days!

Maddie

Past Memories

During my study hall at school, i had brought one of my old journals from home to look through, because i like to do that every once and a while. It's fun to see what I was up to in past years. Anyway, holy cow was I in a time warp. It was soooo weird to see what kind of thoughts I was thinking, and how I was perceiving the future. I was writing about what kinds of things I wanted to achieve with starting Youtube, getting my first camera, and things like that. Even a year ago I was still thinking some of the same thoughts I am today, like where the heck am I going to be in a year?? It freaks me out and I wish I could control that emotion more, but I can't. Life is going to keep moving forward no matter what.

The other night my mom had left to go to a class, so it was just me and my dad at home. Normally, after dinner he goes into the living room and works/watches tv and I clean up the kitchen and go do whatever I do. But this night, he stayed in the kitchen with me and talked to me. We had such a deep conversation, and it lasted 2 HOURS. I haven't had a conversation like that with my dad in I don't even know how long. It felt so good to get some things off of my chest, like talking about my eating disorder with him, how I'm trying to gain weight, what I think about school and how I'm doing with "future plans", he even asked me about my hobbies and I told him how I wanted to start modeling, which is something I've always been afraid of admitting! But I did and he said he is on my side no matter what. He gave me his insights about everything and I listened, and we even got a bit emotional. Honestly I loved every minute of it. We ended up hugging for a long time at the end and in that moment I felt so secure, like everything is going to end up okay. Sometimes I wish I could have more talks like that. It just gives me a sense of knowing that I'm in really good hands and that life is going to be okay during these confusing times. Anyway, I thought I would share that because it was a really special moment with my dad and I want to remember it forever.

Maddie

Simply Smile

Thats all it takes. Look in the mirror and for that one moment of catching your eyes, your reflection, just forget everything thats happening and picture happiness. If you're feeling sad, angry, confused, fearful, take a moment to travel to a different space. Close your eyes and think of a place that truly calms you and brings you a sense of comfort and joy. For me, thats imagining myself laying underneath the warmth of the sun next to the ocean. Nothing is better than the sound of crashing waves and feeling the grainy sand against my skin. It's bliss, and thats what I've been thinking about in times of panic. If you're feeling that mid-week oh my god when's friday slump, imagine yourself in your special place. Even take some time to yourself in your bedroom, close the door, light a candle and just lay and listen to nothing. Hear your thoughts and imagine your goals that you want to reach. 

I've started doing this for the past week and I don't know how but my life has done a total turn around. I'm waking up so giddy and grateful, and I've been interacting with more kids at school and making more friends…I mean is this a coincidence or am I just lucky?! I don't know, but I thought I would share with you guys something thats been helping me, just so it can help you too :)

I hope everyone is having a good week, its almost friday!!

Maddie