Weekly Recap

1// As I said in this post, I enrolled into an online business/marketing school and I am so FREAKIN EXCITED

2// In my acting class at school, I was cast as Beth for our "Little Women" show. She is a character that ends up passing away lol, but I'm still thrilled I've got a semi-big part!

3// I hit 700 followers AND 800 followers on Instagram. God I freakin love you guys :)

4// I had kind of a crying breakdown about my eating disorder, because I've just been having a rough time. As easy as it may seem to recover on the outside, it's like prison on the inside. But, my mom came in my room and hugged and talked to me for at least an hour and made everything better…she's the best.

5// Lately I've been doing a lot more yoga and flexibility routines, and I've noticed such a difference!! I'm getting more flexible, stronger, and I can even transition into backbends and wheels :D 

The weeks have been going bye so fast and I can barely keep up…like it's MARCH. WHAT?? I'll be graduating high school in 2 months…gulp.

Have a lovely weekend xx

Reaching Out

There are so many aspects to blogging that I love, but my favorite part, and arguably the best part, is meeting so many different people. A week ago, I made it a goal to reach out to a ton more people on Instagram and tumblr, even through blogs on bloglovin'. I can't believe it, but I've gained over 100 new followers within a couple of days, and for me thats a lot! Leaving comments on pictures leads to so many different possibilities on relationships and followings. Before I set up goals for myself, I was kind of a ghost follower. I never really commented or let people know what I think so of course no one is gonna find me! I don't know why it never clicked, but suddenly it did. Even within the span of a week, I've gotten close/gotten to know some bloggers well and so many more are finding me. I feel so much more in the loop and connected. It's not always about the number of followers you have or gain, but it is nice to see that people are actually finding what I share and enjoy it, you know? It's important to set goals for yourself, and layout what you really want to happen for yourself, because anything you set your mind to CAN happen. You have the power to make your life the way you want it :) Reach out to people! Create new friendships and hobbies. <3

Have a lovely Monday everyone :)

25 Facts About Me

1. I've lived in Arizona, United States my whole life

2. No, I don't like it here so I'm hoping to move to Cali in the upcoming years

3. I'm turning 18 on May 27th ;)

4. I've been vegan for a year now-woohoo!

5. I'm a gemini, and boy do I act like one

6. I've been told by many of my teachers that I 'have a gift for writing'

7. I've never really been one to have a bunch of friends, only a couple of really close ones :)

8. I find Numerology and Astrology very fascinating

9. I'm a die-hard yogi, self-taught, and trying to practice as much as possible

10. I must say I make killer vegan desserts

11. I suffer from anorexia/orthorexia/over-exercising but I am in the midst of recovery <3

12. I spend way too many nights laying in my bed scrolling through Instagram accounts and talking to new people ;)

13. Although I'm not properly Buddhist, I practice that lifestyle

14. My style is allllwayyss changing, whether it comes to fashion, hair, lifestyle…

15. My dream is to do what I love and make a career out of it, and be able to financially support myself while traveling all over the world

16. Paris, London, Rome, and Australia are just a few of the places I want to live and visit

17. Every morning I wake up at 5:15 and work out before school

18. Even though I'm an early bird, I find that I get lots of my creative juices flowing in the middle of the night

19. My favorite season is Summer, where I can literally lay in the sun all day and turn a dark golden color haha!

20. Some days I love to go all out and dress up, and other days you can find me curled up in sweats

21. I really wish I knew how to use my Canon DLSR camera correctly-I'm kind of intimidated by it

22. I would love for this blog to grow into a full-time job for me <3

23. Even though I'm turning 18, I feel like a 12 year old most days. 

24. I love saving all the magazines I read, and ripping and tearing out pictures from them and making mood/inspiration boards

25. I spend a lot of my free time on the internet, searching/writing/reading blogs and videos, but it's the best thing that has happened to me

I feel like I could write more but would that be boring?? Haha--basically I'm just a girl who is shy at first and then once I get to know you I can't really shut up. I talk too much about vegan food and I love to instastalk people on a regular basis. I'm an art freak who loves to dance wildly to loud music and also stay in on the weekends and bake cookies with my mom :) Traveling the world is something that I'm made to do and I can't wait to be able to share my adventures <3

I'm Vegan, Now What?

So I've been kind of on the down low when it comes to food posts, because to tell you the truth I've been going through a really hard time lately. I haven't been sure if I wanted to share all of what I'm feeling, but after thinking about it this is where I share everything and I'm going to just spill everything right now.

As some of you may know, I'm vegan. I could also say I'm gluten free, processed sugar free, you know the works. Basically I only eat fruits, veggies, and plants haha. I don't know when it started, probably a couple weeks ago, but I was constantly looking at new food accounts on instagram of girls who are my age that went through eating disorders and healed themselves with going high carb low fat vegan. I have seen this before but I never really thought anything of it, and I just kind of kept it in the back of my mind. When I look at some of these posts, its smoothies with like 6 bananas plus dates, or a huge potato with endless amounts of veggies, or meals of 10 mangoes. For some reason, I got the urge to want to try this lifestyle. After all, I'm going through an eating disorder right now, trying to recover, so if these girls were able to heal themselves with this kind of lifestyle, why couldn't I? I realized that there are different kind of high carb diets. Some consist of eating raw meals/fruits all day and then a cooked meal of starches at night. Or some you can just eat all the carbs you want all day, like oats, rice, potatoes, fruits and veggies. 

For the past week, I've had nothing but carbs. I've eaten plenty of sweet potatoes with veggies, tons of oatmeal, fruit fruit fruit…And this morning I had my first smoothie with 2 bananas. Which is a lot for me, coming from someone who restricted. To tell you the truth, I feel good. I'm never bloated and my skin and body feel amazing. But it's all becoming a bit too much for me. I feel like I'm becoming overwhelmed with everything and I don't even know how to explain it. I know I'm trying to recover from my eating disorder, and so far I have been getting more calories in because I've been eating more starches, but I don't know if I can switch over to a lifestyle like this, at least not now. I'm pretty sure my mom has noticed that I've changed my eating habits the past week, and I don't think she would be on board with me eating like this, at least not at first. A lot of the girls I've talked to about their past eating disorders said eating this way helped them gain the weight they needed back, but my gut is telling me that might not work for me. I don't know, like I said I feel like I'm thinking in 10 different directions. Today though, since I did have my first "big" smoothie, I feel sort of bloated. And I had another huuuge sweet potato at lunch today. And last night, I had made some granola with grated apple and maple syrup, and since I was so hungry because it was late in the day, I ate a lot of it and felt full and bloated a bit. I don't know if it's all in my head, or nerves or if this way of eating really isn't right for me. I've only been eating like this for 6 or 7 days so I can't just say it doesn't work, but I think I might have to put this on hold. After all, if I really did want to switch to this kind of eating, I would still have to triple my calories at least and really know what I'm doing and how to eat these bigger meals. And its hard for me to think about that. 

I feel like I'm constantly trying to outdo myself. Eat more fruit, drink more water, exercise longer and harder, more carbs, less fat, more protein, less carbs…I feel like a yoyo. And I never thought I would be in this position. I don't want to be like those girls who constantly go from diet to diet, trying to figure out a medium. Because the way I was eating before, with nuts and seeds and less "starchy meals" I felt fine. Like I said in a previous post, I think Instagram and social media are getting the best of me and I think its time I take a little break from them. I'm constantly comparing myself to these fitness and health accounts and I know its not healthy, and its addictive. 

Sorry for this being a long ramble-y post. I just felt like I had to get it off of my chest. I don't know what to do. Do I stop this high carb thing, or do I try it and see where it takes my mental state, my weight and my overall wellbeing? Or do I go back to eating the way I was, but adding in more fats and proteins so I really gain the much needed weight back? Help :-( 

Sometimes I wish all of this was just a dream and I could wake up, without my bad eating habits, and enjoy life without constantly bringing myself down, competing 24/7.

Maddie