25 Facts About Me

1. I've lived in Arizona, United States my whole life

2. No, I don't like it here so I'm hoping to move to Cali in the upcoming years

3. I'm turning 18 on May 27th ;)

4. I've been vegan for a year now-woohoo!

5. I'm a gemini, and boy do I act like one

6. I've been told by many of my teachers that I 'have a gift for writing'

7. I've never really been one to have a bunch of friends, only a couple of really close ones :)

8. I find Numerology and Astrology very fascinating

9. I'm a die-hard yogi, self-taught, and trying to practice as much as possible

10. I must say I make killer vegan desserts

11. I suffer from anorexia/orthorexia/over-exercising but I am in the midst of recovery <3

12. I spend way too many nights laying in my bed scrolling through Instagram accounts and talking to new people ;)

13. Although I'm not properly Buddhist, I practice that lifestyle

14. My style is allllwayyss changing, whether it comes to fashion, hair, lifestyle…

15. My dream is to do what I love and make a career out of it, and be able to financially support myself while traveling all over the world

16. Paris, London, Rome, and Australia are just a few of the places I want to live and visit

17. Every morning I wake up at 5:15 and work out before school

18. Even though I'm an early bird, I find that I get lots of my creative juices flowing in the middle of the night

19. My favorite season is Summer, where I can literally lay in the sun all day and turn a dark golden color haha!

20. Some days I love to go all out and dress up, and other days you can find me curled up in sweats

21. I really wish I knew how to use my Canon DLSR camera correctly-I'm kind of intimidated by it

22. I would love for this blog to grow into a full-time job for me <3

23. Even though I'm turning 18, I feel like a 12 year old most days. 

24. I love saving all the magazines I read, and ripping and tearing out pictures from them and making mood/inspiration boards

25. I spend a lot of my free time on the internet, searching/writing/reading blogs and videos, but it's the best thing that has happened to me

I feel like I could write more but would that be boring?? Haha--basically I'm just a girl who is shy at first and then once I get to know you I can't really shut up. I talk too much about vegan food and I love to instastalk people on a regular basis. I'm an art freak who loves to dance wildly to loud music and also stay in on the weekends and bake cookies with my mom :) Traveling the world is something that I'm made to do and I can't wait to be able to share my adventures <3

Favorite Vegan Tumblr Blogs

Essena

Clean Body Fresh Start

EarthlingMaxi

TessBegg

I've been spending waaaaaay too much time on Tumblr, but as a result I have found, followed, and friended these amazing vegan blogs. I don't know how but I think they are all from Australia, but they are so relatable and just like me. We're all around the same age, we have the same beliefs, and the fact that I'm able to make friends with people around the world is so so cool to me. I love catching up on what kind of meals they create, what exercises they love and find efficient and stuff like that. Sorry if that seems weird but it's what I'm into haha! ;D And what I love most about these blogs is that they promote healthy body image and wholesome eating and fitness, none of that barely eating crap. I think it's so amazing that there are more and more young girls coming out about the right way to eat and the right way to feel and look your best. I've also been obsessed with watching their youtube videos too xx

Check them out if you're interested :-)

Anorexia Recovery

I've really been thinking about it a lot, and I've come to realize I really want to help other girls going through what I'm going through. Being diagnosed with anorexia/orthorexia is something I never would have thought I would have to deal with. It's been a very long, hard journey for me. I've restricted calories, over-exercised, cut out foods and food groups. I've dealt with extreme weight loss, hair loss, fatigue, you name it. I started my vegan journey a year ago and I feel absolutely wonderful. So, when I see girls with this same problem struggling, it kills me. I so so badly want to help and guide and answer questions. I want to share all of my vegan recipes, tips, and things like that.

Where do I begin? Tumblr? This blog? Another blog? A youtube channel? I want to make the jump. I feel like I'm kind of starting over with my blog. I'm leaning towards more lifestyle, vegan/fitness but also still incorporating beauty and fashion because I love it. I'm trying to set up and figure out a good posting schedule, where maybe every monday is lifestyle, tuesday is something vegan, and so on. But I have to find something that works for me.

Meeting so many different girls from Instagram and blogs who have recovered or are recovering is so special to me. It's like making a new friend, and they know EXACTLY what you're going through. The whole vegan community is so reassuring and lovely and I really want to be apart of it. So I think I'm going to make that my priority :)

I also have a question- do you think there are more vegan tumblr blogs? I feel like there's a lot and I have a better chance of talking to people quicker and easier…what do you think? I just have to learn how to use that site properly haha! ;)

iPhone Life

1//Mega green smoothie with bananas, mango, spinach and coconut water- it was heaven! 2//A chakara charm my mom got me at our favorite yoga studio- i have been wanting this for months and i almost cried when she gave it to me. I can't wait to hang it above my bed. 3//Felt sporty with this beanie. 4//Breakyy-Oats, covered with strawberries, blueberries, almonds and heaps of cinnamon

5//My candy-mango. 6//Wearing my fuzzy pink sweater for the last time with my favorite heart necklace. 7//Killed a workout! 8//Love this nude- Revlon color burst matte balm in the shade 'complex'

Maddie

What I Want: Workout Gear

I have no idea why but all of the sudden I've been obsessing over workout clothes. It's never been something that I really wanted or needed for that matter, but as I'm getting really into fitness, it's been bothering me that I have no cute clothes to wear while I workout! I recently got some cute athletic hoodies to exercise in, and it gave me such an added burst of energy and motivation to work out and push myself harder haha! You feel so much better when you know you look cute in a good pair of leggings or a sports bra-and not only that it helps you perform better too. My personal favorites that I've been eyeing up are Nike and the Victoria's Secret PINK workout gear. 

Do any of you have a personal favorite? I would love to know recommendations! :)

Happy Monday xx

Maddie

Some Sunday Inspiration

Ever since this little break I'm taking on my body, I feel like so many thoughts and ideas are coming to my head. I've been doing yoga in the morning when I wake up instead of my crazy workouts, and I swear it's helping to calm my mind and open my creativity. Today as I was sitting here reading through some artsy blogs, I realized that this is really what I'm meant to do, create and express myself through art.

I feel like over the past year or so I've just been lost. I've tried to adapt to certain styles and convince myself to like certain things just because they were popular, and it's hitting me now that doing that to myself is such a waste of time. Why do I want to be anybody but myself?? Everyday I pray and wish that I will "find myself" and my calling and discover my passion, when really it's been in front of me the whole time, I've just been going through a lot of shit and it's been blocking me from realizing it. 

I really am getting the urge to change everything, once again haha. I want to change my blog layout to something more me, because it's not me anymore. I've held off on getting my bedroom furniture and I don't know why, but now it's all making sense because I guess I just wasn't ready to commit to another big change. It's so funny how everything always ends up happening for a reason..I've also been wondering about getting a job and when that will happen, but I've been thinking of so many different things like interning, and even modeling, that I'm okay with not having a job yet because I know the right one will come soon.

I know it seems silly to talk about exercise the way I do, but ever since I'm taking a break I feel free. I feel like I'm finally relaxing and enjoying the present moment. I'm not worried about how many calories I burned or what kind of crazy insane workout I will do tomorrow. It's not worth that mental stress and I'm finally starting to realize that. I want to be able to look back on this journey and see what kind of progress I made through this hard time. 

After seeing some really cool artsy posts, I'm feeling realllyyy inspired and right now I just want to grab some paints and create an awesome collage or abstract painting, so I think I'm gonna do that :-) I guess this was just a quick little stop to check in :) I hope everyone is having a beautiful weekend! The rainy weather I'm experiencing is also perfect for that cozy warm artsy feeling haha!

Maddie

Weekly Recap

Okay, so this week was a bit of a blur to me! It went bye really fast and was filled with so many different emotions. in my last post I talked about how crazy confused I am about my "diet"/lifestyle, and looking at it now I feel kind of stupid about it.

I've talked to so many different bloggers about this, and I even got in touch with Jordan from the Balanced Blonde (formerly the Blonde Vegan). If any of you know her blog, you know that she was a very strict vegan until last year when she came out about her eating disorder. She has a huuuuge following, and for her to be able to get back to the email I sent her made me absolutely ecstatic. And the email was long and loving and so so amazing, and basically saved me from going into a deep whole of another disorder. I basically told her I'm totally lost with what to do about my disorder, meaning if I should try these certain lifestyles like high carb or high fat. Jordan answered perfectly that I know deep down doing these fad diets not only cause me more of a restrictive mindset, but also inner competition. It's hard to explain but she did so well.

So anyway, I'm not going on a high carb diet. I had low energy, and I'm getting signals from my body that it wasn't working, like my thinning hair and dry skin. Basically I need to get back to the way I was eating, but more. Which brings me to my next point, my calories and fitness. I'm taking a two week break from exercise, which if you know me is totally unheard of. I haven't taken that long of a break for over a year. It's crazy but its true. I read another blog post from Emma D Fitness, and she basically has the same story as me. She lost her period, restricted her food, and became obsessed with healthy food and overexercising. ME. She explained in her post that she had come to the realization in the midst of her eating disorder that what she was doing to her body was absolutely pointless. She was obsessed with having abs 24/7 (guilty) and always pushing herself to her limits (guilty again). She knew she had to gain body fat because she had none in order to get her period back, and to do this she needed to up her calories and stop working out for the time being. To make this story shorter, she did, despite being addicted, stop exercising for 2 weeks and majorly ate more. She didn't gain a ton of weight funnily enough, but she did get her period back. And that was the beginning of her recovery. And I've come to the realization that that's what I have to do too. It's so hard for me not to exercise or at least do yoga everyday, but I HAVE to get my body back to normal. I'm sick of being so thin and tired all the time. For what? I miss my old body, where I was strong and ready to do anything all the time. I miss my thick hair and strong nails..

So yep. Starting today I'm eating a lot more, especially fats. I'm not going to exercise for at least a week or two, and we're gonna see where this goes. It's like I'm starting over on my health and fitness journey. It's time for me to get my body back in order, because I'm almost 18 and I'm 20 pounds underweight. Not good.

That's my crazy week for ya! It's been very cold and rainy every single day, which I love, but don't get me wrong I'm constantly feeling like an icicle. Most days after school I've been bundled up reading blogs and catching up on youtube videos ;)

Here's to the beginning of my new journey, day one.

Have a good weekend <3

Maddie

I'm Vegan, Now What?

So I've been kind of on the down low when it comes to food posts, because to tell you the truth I've been going through a really hard time lately. I haven't been sure if I wanted to share all of what I'm feeling, but after thinking about it this is where I share everything and I'm going to just spill everything right now.

As some of you may know, I'm vegan. I could also say I'm gluten free, processed sugar free, you know the works. Basically I only eat fruits, veggies, and plants haha. I don't know when it started, probably a couple weeks ago, but I was constantly looking at new food accounts on instagram of girls who are my age that went through eating disorders and healed themselves with going high carb low fat vegan. I have seen this before but I never really thought anything of it, and I just kind of kept it in the back of my mind. When I look at some of these posts, its smoothies with like 6 bananas plus dates, or a huge potato with endless amounts of veggies, or meals of 10 mangoes. For some reason, I got the urge to want to try this lifestyle. After all, I'm going through an eating disorder right now, trying to recover, so if these girls were able to heal themselves with this kind of lifestyle, why couldn't I? I realized that there are different kind of high carb diets. Some consist of eating raw meals/fruits all day and then a cooked meal of starches at night. Or some you can just eat all the carbs you want all day, like oats, rice, potatoes, fruits and veggies. 

For the past week, I've had nothing but carbs. I've eaten plenty of sweet potatoes with veggies, tons of oatmeal, fruit fruit fruit…And this morning I had my first smoothie with 2 bananas. Which is a lot for me, coming from someone who restricted. To tell you the truth, I feel good. I'm never bloated and my skin and body feel amazing. But it's all becoming a bit too much for me. I feel like I'm becoming overwhelmed with everything and I don't even know how to explain it. I know I'm trying to recover from my eating disorder, and so far I have been getting more calories in because I've been eating more starches, but I don't know if I can switch over to a lifestyle like this, at least not now. I'm pretty sure my mom has noticed that I've changed my eating habits the past week, and I don't think she would be on board with me eating like this, at least not at first. A lot of the girls I've talked to about their past eating disorders said eating this way helped them gain the weight they needed back, but my gut is telling me that might not work for me. I don't know, like I said I feel like I'm thinking in 10 different directions. Today though, since I did have my first "big" smoothie, I feel sort of bloated. And I had another huuuge sweet potato at lunch today. And last night, I had made some granola with grated apple and maple syrup, and since I was so hungry because it was late in the day, I ate a lot of it and felt full and bloated a bit. I don't know if it's all in my head, or nerves or if this way of eating really isn't right for me. I've only been eating like this for 6 or 7 days so I can't just say it doesn't work, but I think I might have to put this on hold. After all, if I really did want to switch to this kind of eating, I would still have to triple my calories at least and really know what I'm doing and how to eat these bigger meals. And its hard for me to think about that. 

I feel like I'm constantly trying to outdo myself. Eat more fruit, drink more water, exercise longer and harder, more carbs, less fat, more protein, less carbs…I feel like a yoyo. And I never thought I would be in this position. I don't want to be like those girls who constantly go from diet to diet, trying to figure out a medium. Because the way I was eating before, with nuts and seeds and less "starchy meals" I felt fine. Like I said in a previous post, I think Instagram and social media are getting the best of me and I think its time I take a little break from them. I'm constantly comparing myself to these fitness and health accounts and I know its not healthy, and its addictive. 

Sorry for this being a long ramble-y post. I just felt like I had to get it off of my chest. I don't know what to do. Do I stop this high carb thing, or do I try it and see where it takes my mental state, my weight and my overall wellbeing? Or do I go back to eating the way I was, but adding in more fats and proteins so I really gain the much needed weight back? Help :-( 

Sometimes I wish all of this was just a dream and I could wake up, without my bad eating habits, and enjoy life without constantly bringing myself down, competing 24/7.

Maddie

It's Friday, Friday

As I'm typing this I'm eating some deliciouuuus cookie dough my mama made. It's so sweet and melt-in-your-mouth yummy and just had to share that as I reflected on my week haha! So this week school started up again, and even though it's terribly depressing that all of the holiday festiveness is over it really wasn't that bad. I got to experience my fashion class which is everything I could ask for and more, and i met some really nice girls that I've sat with at lunch for the past couple of days and it's just been really nice. It also warmed up a bit, so now I'm not FREEZING in the morning…don't get me wrong I'm still an icicle but I was able to chill out in the sun for a little while which is my favorite thing to do in the summer…agh those summer feels. I also drove to my grandmas house and stayed with her for a couple hours and we talked and reflected about a lot, and that's something i never get to do with her, so that was a nice surprise and it left me feeling really good.

That was my week! I hope everyone has something fun planned for the weekend :) How was your week?

Maddie

It's a New Year

It's a new year, and to be very openly honest, I really want to change. Not in a big way, but just improve myself. Over the last couple of months I have gone through a lot of confusion about my life, school, where and what I want to do after I graduate high school, and it all got to me. I'm still trying to ease off of myself and just let myself relax and breathe, but it takes time. 

I want to get more personal on this blog, and take it very seriously. Since my head has been anywhere but here, I feel terrible and guilty. There were some weeks where I was content and posting everyday, and over the last month or two its been every 3-5 days, and I'm not okay with that. I'm not saying I'm just gonna post something to have something go up, I want my content to be great quality that you look forward to reading. 

I want my blog to grow so much this year, and I want to DO so much this year. I want to write and achieve goals, accomplish things that scare me, and work my butt off. But at the same time, go easy on myself and tie my body a break when it needs it, because I struggled with that last year. 

The content on this blog will change a bit, I want it to be more organized. Im sort of beauty, food, lifestyle, all over the place, but I've been putting a lot of thought into it and I want to share more of what I love, like design, fashion, baking vegan things (since I am vegan haha!) and overall beauty. 

I am SO looking forward to this year. I know it's going to be amazing and filled with scary situations, but I have to get over that. Im gonna push myself, get inspired, and kick 2015's ass! ;)

Care to join me?!

Maddie

Hello 2015

Here's to new beginnings!!! Gosh I can't believe its a new year, a fresh start. I'm so glad I get to start everything over sort of haha, 2014 was a crazy year for me. It was filled with so many different emotions; confusion, loneliness, joy…but in the end its all worth it. I started public school again and even though I was considering going back to online, I stuck through it and now I love it. I've met some really good friends, I've discovered things about myself, and I've learned so so much this past year. So much about well being and happiness and the universe…its crazy.

I just want to take a second to thank everyone reading this. This is my little part of the internet, my own separate world, and I get to share whatever I want to. Not enough, and not well enough either. This year, I want my blog to grow enormously. I want to post frequently and post things that truly mean something to me. I want to broaden my comfort zone and try new things with writing and creating. Im going to push myself to do whatever I can to become a better blogger, writer, creator, photographer, you name it. 

I went through a lot this year but its all in the past now. I have a feeling like 2015 is going to be absolutely amazing, mostly because I'm graduating high school and frankly I don't even know whats coming up yet. So its scary, but so fricken exciting at the same time :)

So this is the look I wore on NYE, I felt like going all out haha! I went for a very sparkly dramatic eye, and very very dark purple lips. All of the colors on my eyes were from the Naked 2 Palette, I used Verve on my lid, YDK on my outer lid and blackout in my crease. I also smudged it under my eye and blended it with my L'oreal eyeliner kajal, which I put in both my tight line and waterline. Then for my winged liner I used my Maybelline Master Precise liquid liner, which I love and use almost everyday for my wings. And my favorite part of the look, the lips :D I went to Sephora and picked up the Bite Beauty Cashemere Lip Creme in "Bordeaux" (review coming soon). So far its absolutely gorgeous and looks so dramatic and deep haha. 

How was everyone's New Year's (Eve)? Tell me all about it!! I hope you have such a great start to the new year, and I wish you best of luck for everything, and good, positive vibes :) I love you guys!!

Happy New Year!

Maddie

First Experience: Boxing Class

(my free wraps i got ;) )

I finally did it. I went to my first group fitness class and I absolutely loved it. AND its at a boxing/kickboxing club so close to my house, which makes me even more excited to go since i've been looking for this for months. I got this coupon where I have an unlimited amount of classes for free for the next two weeks, and let me tell you I plan on going as much as I can.

When I walked in I was a little nervous, but it wasn't too crowded and there were people at all skill levels which made me feel a lot more comfortable. As soon as we started, I got all pumped up and gave it my all. Hitting that boxing bag (and maybe pretending it was some people that pissed me off last week lol) made me feel SO invigorated and confident. During the active rests we did lunges squats and different toning exercises and it was basically amazing haha. It was definitely hard and near the end i was counting down the minutes, but i honestly cant wait to go back. The trainers were so so nice and i felt like i had been going there for a while even though i had never set my foot in the door! 

Going to that class on Saturday morning helped me overcome a little fear I had of public fitness places haha but hey that's what life is about right?! When I got done I went to whole foods and made the most amazing salad bowl from the salad bar with roasted sweet potatoes, brown rice, arugula, walnuts, shredded carrots...ugh yum. Then I got home and took a power nap for about an hour and woke up very very sore haha! But I plan on going again today or tomorrow ;) 

I hope you're having a beautiful weekend!

Maddie

Getting a Bit Personal..

Okay. So i'm going to open up a little here and come right out with what I want to say. I've been going through a rough time recently, even more so the past few weeks. About two years ago, I changed my eating habits majorly when my mom went to nutrition school. She started learning so many interesting things about food, and obviously she shared the knowledge with me. I found it all very fascinating, and decided to change what I had been eating. Up until that point, I had never had a problem with food, body image or anything like that. I ate healthy like 80% of the time and indulged in what I wanted to. I ate pasta, dairy, bread of any kind, pancakes, you know all the normal stuff. Looking back at photos, I had a beautiful toned body. I didn't exercise to "burn anything off" i did it to feel good. I did things like swim some laps in my pool, yoga and barre.

So after learning about certain foods, I decided to eliminate some from my diet. My mom didn't want me going crazy, but since I never had a problem with food, she let me. I got rid of dairy, gluten, any sort of meat, and eggs. Yep, I became vegan.

At first it was sort of easy. And I felt really good. But it got hard to come up with different meal ideas and still get enough protein and calories. 

Fast forward a few weeks and I start thinking about the dreaded "nutrition label" and calorie count. I remember asking my mom how many calories we should eat in a day and I think that's where it all started. 

I started majorly cutting back on everything I ate. I still remained vegan, but on occasion I would eat fish just because I felt like I should in front of my parents so they knew I wasn't up to anything weird.

Well I was.

After a couple months of changing my eating, I had lost about 10 pounds. But that I mean any kind of fat I had, and muscle. I lost my period. And on top of all of this (which I forgot to mention earlier) I had started over-exercising. By that I mean running on the treadmill like a crazy person every single day. When I think about what I did some days, I'm surprised I've never been admitted to the hospital. I remember not eating more than a handful of nuts one day, and then being so frantic over the calories I went and ran for 30 minutes full speed. Ugh.

And running gave/gives me a high. It releases stress (while I'm running). I'm able to run like this because of my genetics, my build and all of that stuff. And the more I ran the easier it got to be able to run faster and longer, so it was like a self-competition. I would keep wanting to out-do myself and run further and longer than the days before. 

Because of this over-exercising and calorie restriction, I started noticing things about my body. My beautiful thick hair I once had was now brittle and shedding majorly. My nails became weak. I always felt tired, my skin started to dry out, I stopped growing so much hair (and being italian I always had slightly hairier arms/legs than average!) Basically my body was telling me to stop everything I was doing.

But I ignored these signs and kept up my routine. So fast forward to now. Over a year later. I'm very underweight (like 15-20 pounds). I'm fully vegan. I don't ever indulge, maybe I'll eat some dark chocolate every now and then, but it's hard for me to have any sort of dessert or something special without feeling guilty about it later. The only special things I have are hand made by me, all vegan and gluten free delicious creations. I've spent hours over-exercising like a maniac running, strength training, and everything in between. I have a very hard time eating the right amount of calories. And you know that heart to heart I mentioned I had with my mom? Yeah that was about this whole thing.

I'm aware that I have an eating disorder. I was diagnosed with it and literally wanted to faint. I remember learning about these eating disorders in health class laughing with my friends saying, "who would ever do that to themselves??" Honestly I cant believe I became one of those girls.

After some conscious decisions today (and believe me it's really hard on me mentally) I think I'm going to stop running/over-exercising. I'm done hurting myself. Running became an obsession, a way to "burn off" what I had eaten. It also started taking over my life in crazy ways, where I would make sure I had no plans on the weekends or after school so I could make sure I would fit it in. My mom told me she doesn't mind if I don't eat whatever I don't want to eat, as long as I get enough. So basically I have to triple or quadruple the amount of food I'm eating. Which, is a very tough thing for me to do. It's like a safety net for me. I didn't really mention it in this post, but I've gone through a lot of crap the past couple of years, and all of this has kind of gone along with it. She warned me that if I don't start gaining weight soon and eating more, she's gonna make me go to a doctor or nutritionist. The only reason she hasn't brought me anywhere is because she really believes in me, and I can't thank her enough for that.

After reading/ discovering The Balanced Blonde and reading this post from Chocolate Covered Katie, I'm finally ready to change my life. I'm tired of always being tired, fatigued, looked at in funny ways. Oh yeah, I should probably mention I lost my amazing butt I had, along with any "curves" I had....I wish I could say I wasn't crying right now but thinking about the body I had when I was happy and anxiety free makes me cringe. It was beautiful and perfect the way it was. Now I am very boney, lanky and people always ask me if I'm okay or if I eat enough. Of course I lie because what else would I do? But like I said, I'm done with this phase of my life. Isn't it crazy that I'm jealous of the body I got rid of? Now all I want is to have my old body back. My toned abs and lifted butt (thanks to barre). I should mention I'm tall (5'7'') and I have very long legs and arms (its just how I'm built, my dad and many family members are the same way) so being very underweight doesnt do me any good. 

So basically I'm starting to eat more, but it's going to take a lot of mental strength to do. It's very tough for a person with an eating disorder to just suddenly start doing something totally different. I'm going to take a break from running and see what happens. Already though, I feel a weight lifted off my chest that i dont have to go anywhere, you know? Instead of having a joyful feeling to go out and run, it's become a chore and its been creating anxiety in me all day every day. And it's been hurting my hips and knees too, and all I've done is ignore the signs. 

I still want to exercise, because that's just the competitive side of me. I love to push myself and I love to sweat, and yes sometimes (a lot of the time) i over do it. and i dont eat enough. But all that is going to change now. I'm going to start doing more HIIT, strength training, and take walks instead of running. I absolutely love walks. And I'm completely addicted to yoga! That has helped me so much with clearing my mind and easing my crazy thoughts. I just have to remind myself that when I'm pushing myself hard like I do, I need. to. eat. more.

This is very personal for me to post, so I hope it doesn't totally shock any of you. I don't really know what else to say, but if any of you are going through something similar or you have any thoughts/suggestions, please leave them down below. I wanted to share this because I felt like I had to. I don't want to seem all happy and cheery when I'm going through something major in my life. I don't ever want to hide anything from my readers. I also felt like I had to share this with someone, and maybe one of you reading this will relate I dont know. I've gone through this for a while and this journey has been a major part of my life, but seeing as I am almost 18, I think I'm ready to change my ways and finally take control of my life again. I would love to meet with Jordan from The Balanced Blonde, because her journey with food and over-exercising is very similar to mine and talking with someone who totally gets it would be so freaking awesome. How do I get in touch with her?!?

Maddie