25 Facts About Me

1. I've lived in Arizona, United States my whole life

2. No, I don't like it here so I'm hoping to move to Cali in the upcoming years

3. I'm turning 18 on May 27th ;)

4. I've been vegan for a year now-woohoo!

5. I'm a gemini, and boy do I act like one

6. I've been told by many of my teachers that I 'have a gift for writing'

7. I've never really been one to have a bunch of friends, only a couple of really close ones :)

8. I find Numerology and Astrology very fascinating

9. I'm a die-hard yogi, self-taught, and trying to practice as much as possible

10. I must say I make killer vegan desserts

11. I suffer from anorexia/orthorexia/over-exercising but I am in the midst of recovery <3

12. I spend way too many nights laying in my bed scrolling through Instagram accounts and talking to new people ;)

13. Although I'm not properly Buddhist, I practice that lifestyle

14. My style is allllwayyss changing, whether it comes to fashion, hair, lifestyle…

15. My dream is to do what I love and make a career out of it, and be able to financially support myself while traveling all over the world

16. Paris, London, Rome, and Australia are just a few of the places I want to live and visit

17. Every morning I wake up at 5:15 and work out before school

18. Even though I'm an early bird, I find that I get lots of my creative juices flowing in the middle of the night

19. My favorite season is Summer, where I can literally lay in the sun all day and turn a dark golden color haha!

20. Some days I love to go all out and dress up, and other days you can find me curled up in sweats

21. I really wish I knew how to use my Canon DLSR camera correctly-I'm kind of intimidated by it

22. I would love for this blog to grow into a full-time job for me <3

23. Even though I'm turning 18, I feel like a 12 year old most days. 

24. I love saving all the magazines I read, and ripping and tearing out pictures from them and making mood/inspiration boards

25. I spend a lot of my free time on the internet, searching/writing/reading blogs and videos, but it's the best thing that has happened to me

I feel like I could write more but would that be boring?? Haha--basically I'm just a girl who is shy at first and then once I get to know you I can't really shut up. I talk too much about vegan food and I love to instastalk people on a regular basis. I'm an art freak who loves to dance wildly to loud music and also stay in on the weekends and bake cookies with my mom :) Traveling the world is something that I'm made to do and I can't wait to be able to share my adventures <3

Anorexia Recovery

I've really been thinking about it a lot, and I've come to realize I really want to help other girls going through what I'm going through. Being diagnosed with anorexia/orthorexia is something I never would have thought I would have to deal with. It's been a very long, hard journey for me. I've restricted calories, over-exercised, cut out foods and food groups. I've dealt with extreme weight loss, hair loss, fatigue, you name it. I started my vegan journey a year ago and I feel absolutely wonderful. So, when I see girls with this same problem struggling, it kills me. I so so badly want to help and guide and answer questions. I want to share all of my vegan recipes, tips, and things like that.

Where do I begin? Tumblr? This blog? Another blog? A youtube channel? I want to make the jump. I feel like I'm kind of starting over with my blog. I'm leaning towards more lifestyle, vegan/fitness but also still incorporating beauty and fashion because I love it. I'm trying to set up and figure out a good posting schedule, where maybe every monday is lifestyle, tuesday is something vegan, and so on. But I have to find something that works for me.

Meeting so many different girls from Instagram and blogs who have recovered or are recovering is so special to me. It's like making a new friend, and they know EXACTLY what you're going through. The whole vegan community is so reassuring and lovely and I really want to be apart of it. So I think I'm going to make that my priority :)

I also have a question- do you think there are more vegan tumblr blogs? I feel like there's a lot and I have a better chance of talking to people quicker and easier…what do you think? I just have to learn how to use that site properly haha! ;)

What I Want: Workout Gear

I have no idea why but all of the sudden I've been obsessing over workout clothes. It's never been something that I really wanted or needed for that matter, but as I'm getting really into fitness, it's been bothering me that I have no cute clothes to wear while I workout! I recently got some cute athletic hoodies to exercise in, and it gave me such an added burst of energy and motivation to work out and push myself harder haha! You feel so much better when you know you look cute in a good pair of leggings or a sports bra-and not only that it helps you perform better too. My personal favorites that I've been eyeing up are Nike and the Victoria's Secret PINK workout gear. 

Do any of you have a personal favorite? I would love to know recommendations! :)

Happy Monday xx

Maddie

Past Memories

During my study hall at school, i had brought one of my old journals from home to look through, because i like to do that every once and a while. It's fun to see what I was up to in past years. Anyway, holy cow was I in a time warp. It was soooo weird to see what kind of thoughts I was thinking, and how I was perceiving the future. I was writing about what kinds of things I wanted to achieve with starting Youtube, getting my first camera, and things like that. Even a year ago I was still thinking some of the same thoughts I am today, like where the heck am I going to be in a year?? It freaks me out and I wish I could control that emotion more, but I can't. Life is going to keep moving forward no matter what.

The other night my mom had left to go to a class, so it was just me and my dad at home. Normally, after dinner he goes into the living room and works/watches tv and I clean up the kitchen and go do whatever I do. But this night, he stayed in the kitchen with me and talked to me. We had such a deep conversation, and it lasted 2 HOURS. I haven't had a conversation like that with my dad in I don't even know how long. It felt so good to get some things off of my chest, like talking about my eating disorder with him, how I'm trying to gain weight, what I think about school and how I'm doing with "future plans", he even asked me about my hobbies and I told him how I wanted to start modeling, which is something I've always been afraid of admitting! But I did and he said he is on my side no matter what. He gave me his insights about everything and I listened, and we even got a bit emotional. Honestly I loved every minute of it. We ended up hugging for a long time at the end and in that moment I felt so secure, like everything is going to end up okay. Sometimes I wish I could have more talks like that. It just gives me a sense of knowing that I'm in really good hands and that life is going to be okay during these confusing times. Anyway, I thought I would share that because it was a really special moment with my dad and I want to remember it forever.

Maddie

Weekly Recap

Okay, so this week was a bit of a blur to me! It went bye really fast and was filled with so many different emotions. in my last post I talked about how crazy confused I am about my "diet"/lifestyle, and looking at it now I feel kind of stupid about it.

I've talked to so many different bloggers about this, and I even got in touch with Jordan from the Balanced Blonde (formerly the Blonde Vegan). If any of you know her blog, you know that she was a very strict vegan until last year when she came out about her eating disorder. She has a huuuuge following, and for her to be able to get back to the email I sent her made me absolutely ecstatic. And the email was long and loving and so so amazing, and basically saved me from going into a deep whole of another disorder. I basically told her I'm totally lost with what to do about my disorder, meaning if I should try these certain lifestyles like high carb or high fat. Jordan answered perfectly that I know deep down doing these fad diets not only cause me more of a restrictive mindset, but also inner competition. It's hard to explain but she did so well.

So anyway, I'm not going on a high carb diet. I had low energy, and I'm getting signals from my body that it wasn't working, like my thinning hair and dry skin. Basically I need to get back to the way I was eating, but more. Which brings me to my next point, my calories and fitness. I'm taking a two week break from exercise, which if you know me is totally unheard of. I haven't taken that long of a break for over a year. It's crazy but its true. I read another blog post from Emma D Fitness, and she basically has the same story as me. She lost her period, restricted her food, and became obsessed with healthy food and overexercising. ME. She explained in her post that she had come to the realization in the midst of her eating disorder that what she was doing to her body was absolutely pointless. She was obsessed with having abs 24/7 (guilty) and always pushing herself to her limits (guilty again). She knew she had to gain body fat because she had none in order to get her period back, and to do this she needed to up her calories and stop working out for the time being. To make this story shorter, she did, despite being addicted, stop exercising for 2 weeks and majorly ate more. She didn't gain a ton of weight funnily enough, but she did get her period back. And that was the beginning of her recovery. And I've come to the realization that that's what I have to do too. It's so hard for me not to exercise or at least do yoga everyday, but I HAVE to get my body back to normal. I'm sick of being so thin and tired all the time. For what? I miss my old body, where I was strong and ready to do anything all the time. I miss my thick hair and strong nails..

So yep. Starting today I'm eating a lot more, especially fats. I'm not going to exercise for at least a week or two, and we're gonna see where this goes. It's like I'm starting over on my health and fitness journey. It's time for me to get my body back in order, because I'm almost 18 and I'm 20 pounds underweight. Not good.

That's my crazy week for ya! It's been very cold and rainy every single day, which I love, but don't get me wrong I'm constantly feeling like an icicle. Most days after school I've been bundled up reading blogs and catching up on youtube videos ;)

Here's to the beginning of my new journey, day one.

Have a good weekend <3

Maddie

I'm Vegan, Now What?

So I've been kind of on the down low when it comes to food posts, because to tell you the truth I've been going through a really hard time lately. I haven't been sure if I wanted to share all of what I'm feeling, but after thinking about it this is where I share everything and I'm going to just spill everything right now.

As some of you may know, I'm vegan. I could also say I'm gluten free, processed sugar free, you know the works. Basically I only eat fruits, veggies, and plants haha. I don't know when it started, probably a couple weeks ago, but I was constantly looking at new food accounts on instagram of girls who are my age that went through eating disorders and healed themselves with going high carb low fat vegan. I have seen this before but I never really thought anything of it, and I just kind of kept it in the back of my mind. When I look at some of these posts, its smoothies with like 6 bananas plus dates, or a huge potato with endless amounts of veggies, or meals of 10 mangoes. For some reason, I got the urge to want to try this lifestyle. After all, I'm going through an eating disorder right now, trying to recover, so if these girls were able to heal themselves with this kind of lifestyle, why couldn't I? I realized that there are different kind of high carb diets. Some consist of eating raw meals/fruits all day and then a cooked meal of starches at night. Or some you can just eat all the carbs you want all day, like oats, rice, potatoes, fruits and veggies. 

For the past week, I've had nothing but carbs. I've eaten plenty of sweet potatoes with veggies, tons of oatmeal, fruit fruit fruit…And this morning I had my first smoothie with 2 bananas. Which is a lot for me, coming from someone who restricted. To tell you the truth, I feel good. I'm never bloated and my skin and body feel amazing. But it's all becoming a bit too much for me. I feel like I'm becoming overwhelmed with everything and I don't even know how to explain it. I know I'm trying to recover from my eating disorder, and so far I have been getting more calories in because I've been eating more starches, but I don't know if I can switch over to a lifestyle like this, at least not now. I'm pretty sure my mom has noticed that I've changed my eating habits the past week, and I don't think she would be on board with me eating like this, at least not at first. A lot of the girls I've talked to about their past eating disorders said eating this way helped them gain the weight they needed back, but my gut is telling me that might not work for me. I don't know, like I said I feel like I'm thinking in 10 different directions. Today though, since I did have my first "big" smoothie, I feel sort of bloated. And I had another huuuge sweet potato at lunch today. And last night, I had made some granola with grated apple and maple syrup, and since I was so hungry because it was late in the day, I ate a lot of it and felt full and bloated a bit. I don't know if it's all in my head, or nerves or if this way of eating really isn't right for me. I've only been eating like this for 6 or 7 days so I can't just say it doesn't work, but I think I might have to put this on hold. After all, if I really did want to switch to this kind of eating, I would still have to triple my calories at least and really know what I'm doing and how to eat these bigger meals. And its hard for me to think about that. 

I feel like I'm constantly trying to outdo myself. Eat more fruit, drink more water, exercise longer and harder, more carbs, less fat, more protein, less carbs…I feel like a yoyo. And I never thought I would be in this position. I don't want to be like those girls who constantly go from diet to diet, trying to figure out a medium. Because the way I was eating before, with nuts and seeds and less "starchy meals" I felt fine. Like I said in a previous post, I think Instagram and social media are getting the best of me and I think its time I take a little break from them. I'm constantly comparing myself to these fitness and health accounts and I know its not healthy, and its addictive. 

Sorry for this being a long ramble-y post. I just felt like I had to get it off of my chest. I don't know what to do. Do I stop this high carb thing, or do I try it and see where it takes my mental state, my weight and my overall wellbeing? Or do I go back to eating the way I was, but adding in more fats and proteins so I really gain the much needed weight back? Help :-( 

Sometimes I wish all of this was just a dream and I could wake up, without my bad eating habits, and enjoy life without constantly bringing myself down, competing 24/7.

Maddie

First Experience: Boxing Class

(my free wraps i got ;) )

I finally did it. I went to my first group fitness class and I absolutely loved it. AND its at a boxing/kickboxing club so close to my house, which makes me even more excited to go since i've been looking for this for months. I got this coupon where I have an unlimited amount of classes for free for the next two weeks, and let me tell you I plan on going as much as I can.

When I walked in I was a little nervous, but it wasn't too crowded and there were people at all skill levels which made me feel a lot more comfortable. As soon as we started, I got all pumped up and gave it my all. Hitting that boxing bag (and maybe pretending it was some people that pissed me off last week lol) made me feel SO invigorated and confident. During the active rests we did lunges squats and different toning exercises and it was basically amazing haha. It was definitely hard and near the end i was counting down the minutes, but i honestly cant wait to go back. The trainers were so so nice and i felt like i had been going there for a while even though i had never set my foot in the door! 

Going to that class on Saturday morning helped me overcome a little fear I had of public fitness places haha but hey that's what life is about right?! When I got done I went to whole foods and made the most amazing salad bowl from the salad bar with roasted sweet potatoes, brown rice, arugula, walnuts, shredded carrots...ugh yum. Then I got home and took a power nap for about an hour and woke up very very sore haha! But I plan on going again today or tomorrow ;) 

I hope you're having a beautiful weekend!

Maddie

Chunky Coconut Granola

 

I seriously wish you guys could smell how amazing this granola smells. When you make this, your house will literally flood with the aroma of apple pie or Thanksgiving. And it tastes just as good, to me even better than it smells. It's chunky, crispy, nutty, sweet, coconut-ty, and even a bit spicy from the cinnamon. It's all around DELICIOUS. I've been eating mine in the morning for breakfast, with some sliced banana, strawberries and blueberries and some coconut milk. Mmmmm it's making me want some right now lol but I will fight the urge! It's also good just to snack on plain, or on top of anything you want really. So let's get to the recipe! :)

1 1/2 cups of oats

1 cup of shredded coconut

5-6 dried apricots 

1/4-1/2 cup pepitas

1/4-1/2 cup sunflower seeds

1/2 cup almonds

1/4-1/2 cup walnuts

1/2 cup raisins

1/4 cup coconut oil

1/4 cup maple syrup

Small handful of cacao nibs (or chocolate chips!)

Lots of cinnamon!

First, turn on your oven and set it to 225 degrees (this is in fahrenheit). So basically, you can add all of the dry ingredients in a bowl. Chop up the dried apricots into little bite sized pieces, and if you want you can chop up some of the almonds too. I did just because it makes it seem like theres more, and it's easier to eat. Give it a little mix (i just tossed it with my clean hands haha!) and then get a little pot and warm the coconut oil and maple syrup on the stove. This doesn't need to be hot at all, just enough for the coconut oil to liquify, so a couple of seconds on the heat. Then simply pour the mixture over the the dry ingredients and mix mix mix! Now is a good time to sprinkle the heck out of it with cinnamon. Even if you think you put enough, put more. That's the secret to making it so warm and tasty, along with the maple syrup. I dare you to try and not eat any!! ;) Spray a baking sheet and spread the mixture evenly onto it. Put it in the oven and let it bake for about 40 minutes, then check on it and mix it up. Then, I turned the heat up to 280 degrees, and let it cook for another 30-40 minutes. It came out nice and golden brown! It all depends on how crispy or baked you want it. 

Then just let it cool and you have yourself some delicious homemade granola! You could also drizzle a tiny bit more maple syrup or sprinkle it with stevia while it's cooling :)

Let me know if you bake any <3

Maddie

Stress Less: What Yoga Has Done For Me

Here is another post for my “Stress Less” series on the blog today. Oh the wonders of yoga, haha! I’ll start off by saying I’m not that new to yoga. When I was younger, like ten or 11, I would take classes two times a week for about an hour. It’s young I know, but boy did it relax me. I still remember the dimly lit room, the amazingly scented candles, and how the teachers would cover our eyes at the end and spray our feet with essential oils. It was nice :)

Fast forward a few years, and here I am really throwing myself into the world of yoga. Before last year, I had no idea there were so many ways of yoga practice. There’s so many to name, but practices like Vinyasa, Hatha, Bikram, Nidra, Aerial, etc! It amazes me that they are all so different.

When I first started practicing yoga by myself a little over a year ago, I didn’t see the purpose of it. I didn’t look deep enough into what it was really doing for me. I almost gave it up for good, until I started researching different techniques. I also watched different youtube videos, which helped me to do more advanced moves. I ended up learning a lot, and I found that I like a faster moving flow, more breathe and things like that. Not always, because sometimes the slow relaxation flows do wonders. But it really sucked me into it!

When I finally started to understand what it does for the mind, I was addicted to it. At first, I though yoga was just another form of exercise or strength training. But it is SO much more than that. You learn to control your breath, your thoughts, your body, you build amazing body strength, flexibility, stability and the list goes on and on. I find that ever since I started doing yoga a couple times a week, I’ve been a lot calmer in situations where I would usually start to freak out or get anxiety. Since I’ve seen such amazing results with my inner self, I really want to start doing yoga every morning. Even if it means I have to wake up 30 minutes earlier, it really makes a difference in my day.

Along with changes in my mind and thoughts, I feel so much stronger! Really, even my mom was like “what are you doing to get your arms that toned?!” I’ll admit I got kind of excited when she said that, especially since I have thin boney arms, I’m glad I’m finally starting to build muscle. It also strengthens your core amazingly, your legs, pretty much every muscle of your body.

I have also recently found a yoga studio with my mom, and her and I have started to go together every Saturday morning. Let me tell you, after I finish my class, I feel like a new person. I sweat in that class, literally!! But we also do slow moves with long breaths that literally re-charge you and relax you to the point of sleeping. When I walk out, I feel so grateful and happy to be alive, and it sounds weird but my inner thoughts just change immediately.

So as you can see, I really have nothing bad to say about yoga haha. It just takes a little time to get used to! With our world going as fast as it is, and everyone is so busy doing other things, people don’t take enough time for themselves, and when it comes time to slowing down sometimes it’s hard on people because we aren’t used to taking things slower. So if you don’t do yoga, I want you to give it a try. Maybe grab a friend or your parent and try a yoga studio. You’ll really feel a difference in yourself.

Xx,

Maddie

The Most Important Meal of the Day (maybe)

Good morning! Or good afternoon, evening, night, whenever you’re reading this. I’ll start off by saying I am a morning person. I could wake up every single day at 5:00 am when the sun rises and it probably wouldn’t bother me (actually, it’d kill me if I had to go to school). In the mornings when I wake up early, I feel like I have the most energy. Sometimes I’ll meditate or do yoga, sometimes I’ll write or jot down some ideas.

In the mornings I love to make a great breakfast. It’s something I’ve started doing recently, and it just makes me happier haha! For this post I will show you my oatmeal that I make almost every day. This isn’t what I always eat, but I could save my other meal ideas for another post (if you’d like?) :)

Usually I make regular steel-cut oats, but recently I’ve been loving quick oats. It’s so simple and fast, and a little bit of a change from the texture of regular oatmeal. First I’ll heat up some water in a pot, until little bubbles start to form. The key is to not let the water boil!! If you put the oats in right before the water really gets hot, it will turn into the perfect consistency. Then, when it thickens up after a couple of minutes, I’ll add a splash of coconut milk. Let me hear the “oooohs” and “aahhhs” and YUMS! Really, this makes it so creamy and divine. I also add a dash of cinnamon and stevia extract to sweeten it up a bit.

For toppings, usually I will always go for berries. Strawberries, blueberries...I also love to slice some banana. Mmmmmm making me so hungry even though I ate this a couple hours ago. Sometimes, I’ll heat some frozen blueberries in a little mini pot on the stove while the oatmeal is cooking, and when its done I’ll pour the blueberries over the oatmeal. IT’S AMAAZING. And no matter what topping, I’ll always add some nuts to top it off. This adds extra protein, and yumminess. Walnuts, pecans, or almonds are my go to.

So maybe this inspired you to try somethin’ new! :) I hope you enjoyed, and if you guys want I can do more recipe ideas soon! I really love to experiment with food, so expect some foodie posts in the near future ;)

Xx,

Maddie

Stress Less: Go For a Walk

I hope you're all having a great weekend! :)

I think I want to start a new series called “Stress Less.” I always like reading posts about how to make life a little less stressful, so I want to share with you what works for me.

I have always liked taking walks, especially at night when the sun is setting. That’s a time for me when I feel most myself. That, or right in the morning when the sun is rising. I guess I’m just that kind of person haha! Taking a quiet walk in the evening is when I start to tune out and think the most about things like school, hobbies, my future plans…

But the reason I love walking is because you can start a walk angry, sad, confused, whatever emotion, and then come back feeling refreshed and new. It gives a person time to think and release any unwanted energy. Being around nature and fresh air leaves me feeling amazing, too. And closer to being a human. You know, a human that has been untouched by technology and social media and present day madness.

When I go for walks, I don’t take any music, either. And I know that would probably surprise some of you! But I really like to unplug from any technology. Now that doesn’t mean you have to if that’s what you like. If listening to music relaxes you fully, then by all means listen to 100 songs if you want to. But just pay attention to your surroundings, the animals making noises. It really centers you and brings you to the present moment.

And lastly, forgive and forget. If you got into a fight with your parents, a sibling, your best friend, a co-worker, let it go. If it’s anything silly or just unwanted banter, brush it off and then remember you’re just a human and its normal to get into fights! If it’s something more, think about how you can resolve it without the problem getting out of hand. Think about what you can say to that person. And like I said, forgive and forget. Release negative energy.

I hope this helps anybody looking to de-stress. Even if you don’t need to, just go for a walk anyway. It’s so great for the mind, body, and soul.

Always remember to smile!! <3

Xx, Maddie