School is Cool?

Okay so today…at school…I actually enjoyed myself. I had a good time, and I felt happy. Am I really typing this? Yep I am. And today during lunch, two girls, really nice girls, came up to me and sat with me. And we talked, and it was SO nice. I don't know why this is happening, but I have a feeling its because I've changed my way of thinking dramatically. I don't wake up depressed and mopey anymore, I wake up energized and ready to conquer my day. Instead of walking with my head pointed towards the ground, now I walk and smile to someone who looks at me. It's so refreshing, and almost insane that I got stuck in that rut to where I almost didn't care if I was happy or not. I have to say, it's weird that I'm enjoying school more. I've prayed to the universe to help guide me in the right direction, because I've felt very lost. And I'm starting to feel okay with that. I know I need to relax and understand that I'm young and I don't need to plan out my life right now. But I'm the type of person that likes plans, so. I've got to work on that. I've prayed to make friends, and to get a job, ad I really have a lot of faith that everything is going to fall into place. I know it takes time, I just want it all to happen quickly. 

So this was a post I never really thought I'd write haha! Surprised but very happy. And I'm so happy that I can be in this mood around Christmas time because well this is the most wonderful time of year :)

I love you all so much just so you know, and I hope you're having an amazing day or night whenever you're reading this <3

Maddie

Catch Up and Room Design

Very sorry I haven't had anything new posted here, these past few days have been absolutely crazy! I haven't even been home very much at all, and I was at family's house for Thanksgiving too, but now all the hype is over and I feel like I can finally think straight again.

I wanted to share these pictures of bedroom ideas I have because I went to IKEA for the first time yesterday with my mom and I was a bit overwhelmed! I told my parents I would rather redecorate my room than get Christmas presents because to tell you guys the truth I really don't want anything for Christmas..I mean maybe a makeup palate or two and some lipstick but thats really it :/ Anyway, seeing some of the showroom ideas they had there made me want to totally empty out my room and start over, which is basically what I'm doing. 

So here's what I'm thinking: I think I want a loft bed (bunk bed). In the show room it looks absolutely ADORABLE with a sleek white couch and table underneath, with fairy lights and pictures. Oh my god I loved it, and I can't believe I have never thought about it before! It would give me like an extra 7 feet of space in my bedroom 0_0

Then I want to get one of the plain table top desks, and put the Alex 6 drawer unit on one side of it, with either shelves on top or a mirror. And as for other storage in my room, currently I have one dresser and one hutch. So instead of the dresser I have I'll get a 6 drawer one, and then for the hutch I might want one of those cool cube units to display everything I have…I still need to figure it out because there was so much to look at! Then I want to add some simple shelves on the walls, some fairy lights, and i really don't even know my brain is in a jumble haha.

This post got lengthy real fast but please let me know your thoughts on this! I neeeeeeeed help.

Happy Sunday! :)

Maddie

Sunday Catch Up

Man my fall break fleeeew by. I can't believe I have to go back to school tomorrow...and I'm not sure how I feel about that haha. I guess I shouldn't complain, it's my last year anyway. Well although the week started off great, things kind of took a different turn. My mom ended up getting a flu like virus and I feel terrible. She would go from absolutely freezing cold to dripping with sweat, and I'm not even joking when I say dripping. I tried to help her as much as I could, making her soup and running to the store if she needed something. I didn't end up going anywhere to hangout or to get stuff for my room but that's okay, it's not bothering me. My mom hardly ever gets sick so seeing her like this really makes me feel bad. I would pick staying home baking cookies with her over anything. 

Speaking of cookies, I made the most AMAAAAZING pumpkin almond cookies last night, and honestly they hit the spot right on. They are spicy from the cinnamon I added, sweet and nutty, with the added flavor of pumpkin. UGH YUM. Would you guys like a recipe?? I found one on pinterest but kind of tweaked it to make it my own. 

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend :)

Maddie

Joyous Perfection

Oh boy it's been a minute since I posted last. I was afraid of this happening once I started public school again! I'm really sorry guys, this last week was a bit crazy! I had a lot of schoolwork, babysitting hours, and chores to do but this weekend I'm getting a lot of stuff done for the bloggy :)

I want to start off by saying I had an emotional week. I'm not 100% sure why, but I think I am feeling many different emotions all at the same time. I'm still getting over some nerves from starting a new school, I've felt a bit lost, confused on what I want to pursue, confused on kids at school, and frustrated. Then on some days I felt elated and happy to be where I am. It's all so hard on me. 

I was talking to my mom about being happy, and I was asking her and telling her "I can't wait to be happy" and "i wonder how happy people stay happy." (happy happy happy lol). And then out of nowhere she said something beautiful to me. She said that it's never gonna happen. We are humans, with deep feelings and emotions. We are like the ocean, where we will have gigantic waves of sadness, but like the water it will pass. Or we will have days of overcoming joy, but that will pass too, just like the waves of the ocean. And I totally get it. Even the happiest of people have bad days, it just might not seem like it in their perfect world. The most important part I think to understanding this is to understand that when there is sadness, anger, fear, guilt, it will ALL pass. But it takes time. No one knows how long it will last, and in some cases you have control over it. 

I'm not really sure where this post is going, but I kind of had to get that off my chest. It helped me realize that it's OKAY for me to feel this way. After all, I'm only 17! Holy crap that scares me haha. I have been thinking non stop about this coming year, because it's my last year in high school. Thats it. It's over. And it happened before my eyes. I have no idea where the time went and part of me wishes I could get some time back. I've also been feeling regret, regret of not taking more chances and speaking up in class, or talking to new people. It's all so stupid, how society makes you feel so unworthy of everything, isn't it? I definitely had a tough couple of years but I do feel a lot stronger because of it. Since it's my last year, I've had to think about what I want after school is over. Yes I do want to go to college. But the question is, WHAT college? WHERE do I go? Do I leave the state I'm in like I really really want to? Do I travel abroad like I really really want to? Do I compeltely forget the whole college thing and get an internship with some companies or magazines like a really really want to do?? Questions and scenarios like this keep me up for hours at night and I feel like I might explode from all the tension.

On a completely different note, I have actually had a good time at school. And I'm learning a TON of stuff about photoshop, which is awesome. My dad even said he would buy it for me this weekend, which, I'm not gonna lie, made me let out an ear-piercing scream. I can't help it! Hahaha :) Now I'm just chilling on my bed banging out a lotta posts and writing a bit! ;)

Maddie