Setting Sun

Lately, I've been so awestruck and taken back by the sunset. Even if I catch two minutes of it, my mind and body feel electrified and recharged. Standing on cold grass, feeling the warmth of the setting sun, while capturing the view of a hot pink and tangerine sky. It's invigorating. Especially after a long, stressful day, nothing is better than watching a sunset. The special part is when it goes dark, and the sky goes purple, then the black silhouettes of trees and mountains come into view. I always get the urge to take a thousand pictures, because none of them ever look the same. This time of day is perfect for reflection, to give gratitude, and visualize abundance for yourself. It's such a special few moments, to ground yourself with your soul and the earth. So the next time the sun sets, take the time to enjoy it for yourself :)

So Crazy

Okay, hello!! I am still here. I can't believe it's been like 5 days since I posted something and I feel really bad about that. This week went bye so fast, honestly I don't even remember it being monday. I actually had more homework than normal, and I kind of just felt off. I dont know, I've been over thinking a lot of things and the past few days I've just needed time to myself. I haven't even really been using my computer that much which is a shocker haha, cause I'm ADDICTED to it! But anyway, after going to this meditation/yoga class with my mom a couple nights ago, I feel so much clearer and calmer. I was letting myself slip into that hole of sadness and anxiety again and I wanted to catch myself before I really got caught in it. 

Anyway, it's kind of late at night and I was watching a few (haha or more) youtube videos and listening to some of my favorite throwback songs, and all of the sudden I felt this sense of knowingness that I am going to be okay, future-wise. It's kind of hard to explain, but this past week (and for the past 2 years) I have struggled with worrying too much about what I'm going to do after high school. I have some sort of general idea, but I have always let fear get in my way. Tonight, I felt like that fear lifted off of my chest in a way. Like right now, I feel like I can pack up my things and just move, like I've wanted to for ever since I can remember. Do any of you have that problem? Just wanting something so badly but blowing the idea away because you think you're not worthy or good enough for it? Yeah that's what I've always felt.

So I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I guess I will just start writing what I want to say. For a good year now, I've wanted to start uploading my own youtube videos. I uploaded ONE video on my birthday this year, and then sort of chickened out and never gave it a second chance. Well I'm telling you right now, I am SO ready to finally upload what I want to. I mean, I have so much motivation right now it's crazy. I have let fear push me away and change my mind and let me feel inferior, and I'm tired of it. After going through so much crap over the past couple of years, after giving up and hitting rock bottom, I am ready to just be me and do whatever the hell I want. Because it's my life and I wasted precious years, months, days just sitting and over thinking and not doing anything that made me happy. Yes I kind of wish I can turn back time, but without these horrible never ending days, I wouldn't have the knowledge I do today. 

I want to continue with my blog, but now I really want to put forth more effort. I will admit, yes I am AFRAID of putting out some content just because of what other people might think. I know it sounds stupid but its what the internet does to people. It creates this sort of competition. And I'm done being afraid, I'm just going to BE ME and do what I want. I feel so free and so open to new things, and I really want to inspire anybody reading this to stop worrying about other people, stop worrying about the future, the past, the haters, the whiners. JUST STOP AND BREATHE AND BE IN THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW. Right. NOW. You can change the way you feel in an instant, and I did tonight, and now look at me haha. I have all of these thoughts going through my head and I just have to get them out before I go to bed :) 

So in a nutshell, I'm just going to push myself. I'm going to challenge myself to write down my goals, to do what makes me happy, to do what I WANT even if it makes me a little scared or nervous, because that's life and those are emotions we feel, but we don't have to let them take over our lives. I'm ready to finally be me and do/create what I want. And I can't wait to share it with you guys :) 

I hope this wasn't too long or pointless but I just had to write a little bit. Again school kind of took over this week so I'm sorry for not putting anything up-I wouldn't want to put out bad content just for the sake of putting something up :)

I love you-whoever is reading this :)

Maddie

Joyous Perfection

Oh boy it's been a minute since I posted last. I was afraid of this happening once I started public school again! I'm really sorry guys, this last week was a bit crazy! I had a lot of schoolwork, babysitting hours, and chores to do but this weekend I'm getting a lot of stuff done for the bloggy :)

I want to start off by saying I had an emotional week. I'm not 100% sure why, but I think I am feeling many different emotions all at the same time. I'm still getting over some nerves from starting a new school, I've felt a bit lost, confused on what I want to pursue, confused on kids at school, and frustrated. Then on some days I felt elated and happy to be where I am. It's all so hard on me. 

I was talking to my mom about being happy, and I was asking her and telling her "I can't wait to be happy" and "i wonder how happy people stay happy." (happy happy happy lol). And then out of nowhere she said something beautiful to me. She said that it's never gonna happen. We are humans, with deep feelings and emotions. We are like the ocean, where we will have gigantic waves of sadness, but like the water it will pass. Or we will have days of overcoming joy, but that will pass too, just like the waves of the ocean. And I totally get it. Even the happiest of people have bad days, it just might not seem like it in their perfect world. The most important part I think to understanding this is to understand that when there is sadness, anger, fear, guilt, it will ALL pass. But it takes time. No one knows how long it will last, and in some cases you have control over it. 

I'm not really sure where this post is going, but I kind of had to get that off my chest. It helped me realize that it's OKAY for me to feel this way. After all, I'm only 17! Holy crap that scares me haha. I have been thinking non stop about this coming year, because it's my last year in high school. Thats it. It's over. And it happened before my eyes. I have no idea where the time went and part of me wishes I could get some time back. I've also been feeling regret, regret of not taking more chances and speaking up in class, or talking to new people. It's all so stupid, how society makes you feel so unworthy of everything, isn't it? I definitely had a tough couple of years but I do feel a lot stronger because of it. Since it's my last year, I've had to think about what I want after school is over. Yes I do want to go to college. But the question is, WHAT college? WHERE do I go? Do I leave the state I'm in like I really really want to? Do I travel abroad like I really really want to? Do I compeltely forget the whole college thing and get an internship with some companies or magazines like a really really want to do?? Questions and scenarios like this keep me up for hours at night and I feel like I might explode from all the tension.

On a completely different note, I have actually had a good time at school. And I'm learning a TON of stuff about photoshop, which is awesome. My dad even said he would buy it for me this weekend, which, I'm not gonna lie, made me let out an ear-piercing scream. I can't help it! Hahaha :) Now I'm just chilling on my bed banging out a lotta posts and writing a bit! ;)

Maddie

Weekly Recap ♡

Well happy Friday everyone! :) This week flew bye. I planned on doing more than I did, but I just got caught up with other things and now it's already the weekend, crazy! My dad was away all week for a business trip so I'm looking forward to spending time with him...I'm scheduled to go and get my driver's license (yikes!!) so I need to practice with him a weeeee bit more haha! Anyway, I though I would just share some moments of my week that made me smile. I personally love to read these kinds of posts, so I wanted to write one myself :) 

Monday// I woke up and felt so energized and ready for the week. I had an amazing workout and much needed tan time!

Tuesday// At about 10:00 at night, I got the urge to bake some homemade granola. Lemme tell you, I don't know how I didn't eat the whole batch. It's got everything from sunflower seeds, to walnuts, almonds, dates, coconut flakes, and toooonns of cinnamon. Recipe coming soon ;)

Wednesday// Guess what I ate for breakfast? Yep, my granola. With some sliced banana, strawberries, blueberries, and a splash of coconut milk. It was heaven. 

Thursday// My mom, little brother and I all went out to this outdoor shopping center. We walked around and had the nicest time, then stopped by the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. But you know what that means, yes of course we ordered dessert. I'll just say we all licked the plate clean.

Friday// Since it's technically the beginning of the day I can't really say much, but I am feeling extra grateful all snuggled up in my bed sheets writing this. I'm going to go make some tea and then do some yoga. Ahhh, I'm so happy :) 

I hope this made you smile a little bit! Did you have any special moments during your week? Share them down below! :-)

Maddie <3

Are you a #GIRLBOSS?

Okay, so this book has definitely made it's way around numerous blogs and best-seller lists, but have you picked it up yet? Honestly, I am SO glad that I started reading this in Barnes and Noble a couple weeks ago. I had heard so much about it, and so when I saw it on the shelves (there was ONE left, so I knew it was fate for me to pick it up) I grabbed it as soon as I could and whipped open the pages. 

I was able to get about 35 pages in before I had to leave, and I couldn't believe how much I liked it. I was sucked into Sophia's way with words and how she makes her story seem so relatable. I really, reaalllly wanted to buy the book that night, but my mom promised me she would get it for me off of Amazon, and fast forward to this monday, and it came in the mail!

So anyway, I've pretty much finished the book. Not entirely, I probably have 50 pages or so left, but WOW. I can't even begin to tell you how influencing this book is. It's making me literally want to get off my ass and start an empire. From the beginning of the book, Sophia makes it clear that she started from rock bottom, like no house or money or food rock bottom. Then, she kind of skips around in the book from different jobs she's had, to what decisions ultimately created the multimillion dollar company she has today. When reading what she's gone through, or some of the stupid decisions she's made, and her thoughts and feelings on certain things, it makes me feel so much more confident in myself to know that everyone is afraid of something. Not everyone knows what they want to do, and not everyone is willing to work for something they want. That's why Sophia is where she is today, because she decided that after not giving a crap about her work life (you'll have to read the book), she made a change with her attitude and her outlook on life and finally set out to do something. 

She also makes it very clear numerous times throughout the book that she has worked her ass off. And that when being a #GIRLBOSS, you should too. It's not always putting pressure on yourself, but mentally making changes in your behavior. Like doing something everyday to get closer to a goal. Or giving 100% percent at a job, even if you might not enjoy it. This book is filled with so many inspiring chapters, and it's definitely a must-read for anybody willing to chase after something they want. 

It's definitely planted a seed in my head!! :) I'm sad I'm almost done reading it, but so excited to begin different projects I've wanted to do. 

Are you going to pick up this book and become a #GIRLBOSS with me?

xx,

Maddie

Monday Mantra: Try Something

Happy Monday beautiful people!! :) I am in SUCH a happy peppy mood and I'm really thrilled about it. Sometimes, even though I try my hardest to stay positive, I can slip into weird funks and I get upset with myself. BUT, i have to remind myself that I am human and I have emotions and its OKAY to show them, just not get caught up with them.

How was your weekend? I had a blast with my dad at the baseball game. My team ended up loosing, but it was soooo close! But i had fun daddy/daughter time :) Yesterday I kind of just chilled out around the house. I did some yoga, relaxed in the sun, and then went and saw a late movie with my mom.

But the point of this post is to start your week off right, with a nice quote! :) I have so many quotes that I love from my pinterest board that it's hard to choose just one. But this one stuck out to me because I've been pushing myself to do this for a couple of weeks now.

I know it's hard to push yourself to do something, especially when you've got no motivation to do so. Trust me, i know how you feel. But ever since I started reading these success books and listening to these motivational speakers, I saw something trending. These successful people did something everyday to push themselves closer to a goal they set. So if you want to create a successful blog, write or journal for a couple minutes everyday. Or if you want to be a better photographer, go and take pictures, of ANYTHING! Mess around with the editing software on your computer. Or if you're obsessed with makeup try doing your own makeup differently. It all makes a difference, and when you find something that you love doing it creates a spark in your mind. 

It wasn't too long ago that I was struggling to do anything I wanted. I had no motivation, and no idea what I wanted to do. But my mom kind of opened my eyes and just told me straight up, that I have to make my own choices. I can't just sit around and wait for life to happen. I, MYSELF, have to make and create MY life! That's when my mind trailed off and thought about this blog that I created and forgot, well not totally forgot but you get the idea. I got scared because I wasn't ready to start it, but after waiting a few months I finally was, and ever since then I have gotten my new camera, and I've just been doing stuff like crazy! :)

When you finally push yourself to do something, so many doors open and you open yourself to do new things. Really, even doing the little things like writing down 5 goals while you have your breakfast in the morning helps.

I hope this gives you that extra motivation for the week. I love you guys, and remember that it's okay to feel lost sometimes. It's those weird feelings that lead us to something bigger :)

xx,

Maddie

●Pause●

I didn't think I would be absent from the blog for more than a day but it ended up turning into three or four...oopsie. This last week just got so hectic and I needed time to think about what I wanted to write about. I would rather have a couple great, honest posts than a bunch of rambles. 

Some of you may notice, but I have a newwww header! I'm actually really excited about it. I don't know if it will be permanent, well i know it definitely won't, but for now it's 100% better than what I had before haha. This week I've really been taking a lot of time into what I want to do with my blog. I'm trying to learn HTML and CSS (dear lord help me lol!). Honestly, it is a little tough, but I'm really good at all of this computer stuff, so I just need a little time and hopefully I will understand the basics of it.

I'm also going to a baseball game with my dad today, which I'm really excited about :) I don't go to these often, so when I'm able to spend time with him alone I really cherish the moments we have. 

Back to our regularly scheduled program ;)

Have a beautiful weekend!

xx,

Maddie

Things I Wanna Do This Summer ☼

I really can't believe it's already halfway through June. Can you believe that? It seems like we were all waiting so anxiously for summer to come and now it's here full force. Time is going bye suuuper fast, and that scares me a bit, and that's why I wanted to create a list of things I want to do before this season is over. Summer to me is a time to be free, have endless nights, and memories that you'll never forget. 

1. Make new friends// This is an important one for me. I'm not quite sure how I'll go about doing this, but I know I want to meet people. Even over the internet and through blogging. Meeting and talking to new people makes me feel so happy and it even turns my creativity on. So, wanna be friends?! ;)

2. Work on my photography skills// Since getting my amazing new camera, I've been trying to work with the different features it offers. It can sometimes make me feel stupid because I have never really worked with a camera like this, so I really want to perfect the way I take my pictures. 

3. Re-decorate my room// I am SO excited to do this. It's actually been a loooong time since I've done anything to my room, and to be honest I've totally grown out of it. I have completely changed my taste in furniture and style, which is kind of weird to me. I used to be all about vintage, victorian, and ornate designs. Now, while I still love vintage, I'm more minimal and simple. I like a lot of whites, simple lines, and pops of color every now and then.

4. Change my hair// I've already done a post on this, but I really have to change up my hair. I just know that if I change my hair, I'll feel like a completely different person, and I need that haha. I'm growing and changing and learning so many things that I already feel different, so I need to look different!

5. Travel// This one is a no brainer. I would love to make it to California, because that place is like my second home, but I don't know if I'll be able to get there this summer. It really puts a pit in my stomach because I love that place so much. Since I might not make it there, I want to travel around my state and head up North to Sedona. It's sooooo beautiful  there, with tons of red rock mountains, forests, and creeks. I can't wait to spend a couple of nights there with my mom :)

6. Get a dark tan// Not so serious, but this is always a goal of mine for summer!! Usually I get pretty dark and my hair lightens up...ahh the signs of Summer :)

7. Upgrade my blog// This is something I've wanted to do for a little while now, but I just wasn't ready. Now I think since I'm committed to my blog and I've been learning the ins and outs to it, I'm closer to knowing what I want my blog to look like. It's so hard because I'm a picky person and I get bored of things easily so I want to make sure I can create something I'll like for a long time!

8. Meditate/Do yoga every morning// This one takes some dedication, but I'm really dedicated to both of them. Yoga isn't new for me, I've actually done it for a while, but I'm just starting to learn about meditation and what it can do for your body and mind. Really, you need to look up what it does because it's pretty amazing. I'm willing to wake up an extra 30-45 minutes earlier so I can fit this into my morning. I find that when I do yoga before I even leave my bedroom, my whole outlook on the day has changed and I feel energized and happy.

9. Bake// ooooooh how I absolutely LOVE to bake. Normally, I will bake cookie dough bites, cookies, brownies, or something like that. I usually make my creations vegan/semi vegan/gluten free too. I bake a lot, and I've gotten some really good tips and recipes down that I've made and created from scratch. Now I think it's time that I move onto some more difficult things to bake vegan/gluten free like cakes, cupcakes, and things like that. And of course I can then create some recipe posts! :)

10. Explore new hobbies// I am a very creative person, and I pretty much love a lot of different activities. From painting to writing to photography, running, swimming, baseball, baking, cooking, and pretty much creating anything in general. But as I said before in a few posts, this last year has been tough for me and my creative brain kind of shut off when I went into a sad/depressed little world. BUT, I'm over that now, well trying to push my way through, and I am READY to grow and develop my little different kind of a brain haha :) And I realize that in order to switch my brain back to 'on' I need to push myself to do those kinds of creative things.

So this is just a little tiny list of things I wanna do, I actually might post another one of like 25 things I wanna do or something, but just not as in depth. I really am excited this Summer, just to start doing things I want to do, especially since school is finally over!! 

Tell me something you want to do this summer! <3

xx,
Maddie

Stress Less: Go For a Walk

I hope you're all having a great weekend! :)

I think I want to start a new series called “Stress Less.” I always like reading posts about how to make life a little less stressful, so I want to share with you what works for me.

I have always liked taking walks, especially at night when the sun is setting. That’s a time for me when I feel most myself. That, or right in the morning when the sun is rising. I guess I’m just that kind of person haha! Taking a quiet walk in the evening is when I start to tune out and think the most about things like school, hobbies, my future plans…

But the reason I love walking is because you can start a walk angry, sad, confused, whatever emotion, and then come back feeling refreshed and new. It gives a person time to think and release any unwanted energy. Being around nature and fresh air leaves me feeling amazing, too. And closer to being a human. You know, a human that has been untouched by technology and social media and present day madness.

When I go for walks, I don’t take any music, either. And I know that would probably surprise some of you! But I really like to unplug from any technology. Now that doesn’t mean you have to if that’s what you like. If listening to music relaxes you fully, then by all means listen to 100 songs if you want to. But just pay attention to your surroundings, the animals making noises. It really centers you and brings you to the present moment.

And lastly, forgive and forget. If you got into a fight with your parents, a sibling, your best friend, a co-worker, let it go. If it’s anything silly or just unwanted banter, brush it off and then remember you’re just a human and its normal to get into fights! If it’s something more, think about how you can resolve it without the problem getting out of hand. Think about what you can say to that person. And like I said, forgive and forget. Release negative energy.

I hope this helps anybody looking to de-stress. Even if you don’t need to, just go for a walk anyway. It’s so great for the mind, body, and soul.

Always remember to smile!! <3

Xx, Maddie

Being Curious... ☯

For the last couple of days I've been in a weird mood. I've been thinking a lot, almost to the point of arguing with myself. Weird right? I just feel like I have to write it out or something...if you don't mind.

I have had conversations going back and forth in my head, like saying "you need to do this" "i'll do it later" or thinking about things in the future which don't need my thoughts yet. That is a problem I'm struggling with. I need to stay in the present moment. For the past, I don't know couple of weeks, I have wanted time to either speed up or slow down. I don't want to get any older at this point, because I have a fear of my future in a year's time. I don't know what I want to do, study, I don't know where I wanna go...and the truth is it doesn't matter. I know it doesn't. But I'm the type of person that likes to know things like this. I know there are people out there who go from being homeless to millionaires in a year's time, or who start little blogs and become internet famous. I have to drill it in my head that not knowing what the future holds is perfectly normal and its okay.

I just...I get anxious. When I think about things like getting a real job, not just babysitting, it scares me into thinking my childhood is over. Am I the only one that thinks this? I hope not. I have really really been trying to experiment with hobbies and things I like to do. I know what i like to do. I like to draw, take pictures, write, blog, create, i love makeup and fashion...And some days I love it more than others. On certain days, sometimes I could care less about makeup. But then on others I'm absolutely obsessed. I guess that's the thing about being human. We go through ups and downs, and maybe being a girl you go through more haha! :)

The thing is, I want to expand my creativity. I think when I went into high school, I was just kind of pushed into a whole new world, and I kind of shut myself out from a LOT. I turned into a completely different person, and I still think I'm not the same. Of course I've changed since 4 years ago, but before high school, I used to laugh at everything and not care about what people think. I used to brush stuff off that didn't matter and I used to be laid back. Nowadays, I'm sort of confused and quiet. Once I get to know people, I can't shut up, but now it's like I can't really start a conversation. When I found the world of blogging, my hopes looked up. I started following a few blogs, and now it's turned into a few hundred. I LOVE reading blogs, any kind really. It's like talking to a friend that you don't even know!

 That's why I started my blog. I started it a year ago, and left it. I do regret not trying last year, but when I look back on it, last year wasn't good. I often have a feeling inside like I'm late on the train or I'm too old to start something, and then I think how stupid is that? I'm so young, my life hasn't even properly started yet, and I'm worried about being too old! 

I have some goals that I want to achieve very soon:

-learn the tricks to good photography

-stop worrying about what others think of me

-journal and write my ideas every single day

-do something that makes me happy every single day

-create friendships with other bloggers

-smile, more often

-add to this list

These are basic, little goals that I need to set for myself. I have more, but that's why I put add to this list. Blogging and writing and creating are things I love to do, and I think it's just hard for me right now because I had fears of who I was and what I'm like. I need to access my creativity that I used to have, and start to really use it every single day, like I used to. I really want my blog to grow and turn into something amazing. Make it a place of uniqueness and a place where others can come to be happy and be let in on my life. I just want that to happen :)

I feel like sometimes I wonder why I started a blog. There are so many thousands of blogs nowadays, that a lot of content is pretty similar. But i have to realize that it's about being yourself and original. That's what gets friendships started and a blog growing. I find that if I get a vibe off of a blog like this isn't really a passion, I don't read it or follow it. Being a reader, you just kind of know when someone isn't for real. And I don't want that to ever happen with my blog. Especially since I'm starting to really put a lot of work and effort into it. Since starting to post regularly on my blog, I've realized what a demanding and long working job blogging is. Really, it's hard to understand if you don't do it, but it's a tough job! I don't really know how to end this post since I feel like I could rant a little more, but I won't haha.

This was a little rant, and I hope it doesn't annoy anyone haha. I felt like I needed to get little blurbs out of my head..if anyone wants to ever talk to me just talk to me through google +, or twitter :)

my twitter is: @maddieeebug

xx, Maddie