2.06.2015

Past Memories


During my study hall at school, i had brought one of my old journals from home to look through, because i like to do that every once and a while. It's fun to see what I was up to in past years. Anyway, holy cow was I in a time warp. It was soooo weird to see what kind of thoughts I was thinking, and how I was perceiving the future. I was writing about what kinds of things I wanted to achieve with starting Youtube, getting my first camera, and things like that. Even a year ago I was still thinking some of the same thoughts I am today, like where the heck am I going to be in a year?? It freaks me out and I wish I could control that emotion more, but I can't. Life is going to keep moving forward no matter what.

The other night my mom had left to go to a class, so it was just me and my dad at home. Normally, after dinner he goes into the living room and works/watches tv and I clean up the kitchen and go do whatever I do. But this night, he stayed in the kitchen with me and talked to me. We had such a deep conversation, and it lasted 2 HOURS. I haven't had a conversation like that with my dad in I don't even know how long. It felt so good to get some things off of my chest, like talking about my eating disorder with him, how I'm trying to gain weight, what I think about school and how I'm doing with "future plans", he even asked me about my hobbies and I told him how I wanted to start modeling, which is something I've always been afraid of admitting! But I did and he said he is on my side no matter what. He gave me his insights about everything and I listened, and we even got a bit emotional. Honestly I loved every minute of it. We ended up hugging for a long time at the end and in that moment I felt so secure, like everything is going to end up okay. Sometimes I wish I could have more talks like that. It just gives me a sense of knowing that I'm in really good hands and that life is going to be okay during these confusing times. Anyway, I thought I would share that because it was a really special moment with my dad and I want to remember it forever.

Maddie