Killer Comparison

This whole week I've dealt a lot with this feeling. This feeling of constantly comparing myself to literally every girl I see, read about, stalk on Instagram. For a while, I was able to stop doing this to myself, because I was in a good place mentally, but lately it's been hard. Things like how many followers she has, how perfect her skin is, how fit she is, it's all been bothering me. And it doesn't feel good. It brings me down, and I'm not the type of person that likes to feel that way! Why do we do this to ourselves? Each and every one of us are totally different, separate human beings. NONE of us should ever want to be anybody but ourselves. But do we blame social media? Or is it just human nature to want something so badly? I realize that in this "business" of blogging, there is a great deal of comparison on every level. From blog design, to followers to the types of writing and pictures posted…sometimes it all gets a bit too much and it overwhelms me, and on some days I feel like just walking away from it all. But its just a matter of how you take it. You CANT compare your own beautiful, unique being to someone else…you just cant. Everyone has their own journey, their own style, their own followers. And not everyone will like each other! But thats okay. It's how the world works. If you compare yourself to the blogger with 500,000 followers and a picture perfect life on the outside, you will feel miserable and let down. Instead, create a vision of what you want for yourself. What makes you happy and excited? What would you do for the rest of your life if money didn't matter? Go do that. You'll find yourself and your happiness, and the right people will find you and follow you. You can't want to be a copy of someone else because life doesn't work that way. Instead, just BE YOU. Block out the negative, the comparison and love who YOU are. Because you're amazing and unique and special, and there's only one of you. So be the best you you can be and everything will work out the way it should.

Comparison is the thief of happiness. So when you find yourself comparing, take a step back from life and get back to who you really are. <3

Anorexia Recovery

I've really been thinking about it a lot, and I've come to realize I really want to help other girls going through what I'm going through. Being diagnosed with anorexia/orthorexia is something I never would have thought I would have to deal with. It's been a very long, hard journey for me. I've restricted calories, over-exercised, cut out foods and food groups. I've dealt with extreme weight loss, hair loss, fatigue, you name it. I started my vegan journey a year ago and I feel absolutely wonderful. So, when I see girls with this same problem struggling, it kills me. I so so badly want to help and guide and answer questions. I want to share all of my vegan recipes, tips, and things like that.

Where do I begin? Tumblr? This blog? Another blog? A youtube channel? I want to make the jump. I feel like I'm kind of starting over with my blog. I'm leaning towards more lifestyle, vegan/fitness but also still incorporating beauty and fashion because I love it. I'm trying to set up and figure out a good posting schedule, where maybe every monday is lifestyle, tuesday is something vegan, and so on. But I have to find something that works for me.

Meeting so many different girls from Instagram and blogs who have recovered or are recovering is so special to me. It's like making a new friend, and they know EXACTLY what you're going through. The whole vegan community is so reassuring and lovely and I really want to be apart of it. So I think I'm going to make that my priority :)

I also have a question- do you think there are more vegan tumblr blogs? I feel like there's a lot and I have a better chance of talking to people quicker and easier…what do you think? I just have to learn how to use that site properly haha! ;)

One of those days

For the past few days I feel like I've been going a bit mad. I had sort of an emotional cry with my mom just about life. I want to figure it out, I want to figure out who I am and what I want to do. I want to know how to take action and achieve my goals, big and small. I want to be 18 already so I can get the jobs I want and be taken seriously. I want to figure out my blog and turn this into a space of freedom and creativity. I just want to be surrounded by motivated, like-minded people. 

It's just one of those days!

Maddie

Simply Smile

Thats all it takes. Look in the mirror and for that one moment of catching your eyes, your reflection, just forget everything thats happening and picture happiness. If you're feeling sad, angry, confused, fearful, take a moment to travel to a different space. Close your eyes and think of a place that truly calms you and brings you a sense of comfort and joy. For me, thats imagining myself laying underneath the warmth of the sun next to the ocean. Nothing is better than the sound of crashing waves and feeling the grainy sand against my skin. It's bliss, and thats what I've been thinking about in times of panic. If you're feeling that mid-week oh my god when's friday slump, imagine yourself in your special place. Even take some time to yourself in your bedroom, close the door, light a candle and just lay and listen to nothing. Hear your thoughts and imagine your goals that you want to reach. 

I've started doing this for the past week and I don't know how but my life has done a total turn around. I'm waking up so giddy and grateful, and I've been interacting with more kids at school and making more friends…I mean is this a coincidence or am I just lucky?! I don't know, but I thought I would share with you guys something thats been helping me, just so it can help you too :)

I hope everyone is having a good week, its almost friday!!

Maddie

Weekly Recap

Where did this week gooooooo. Gosh and I'm really sorry I've kind of been slacking here. It's killing me. Since it was my first week back at school it's been a little crazy around here. Honestly these three days at school felt like a couple of weeks haha! Anyway I had a pretty good week, yesterday I also went to a college event for FIDM (Fashion Institute for Design and Merchandising in California), which is my DREAM school. I absolutely loved it and it gave me goosebumps to listen to the students' stories of going there. The only problem is I have no idea what I would want my major to be, so I have to think about that. I sat there and listened and munched on yummy food they had in the back. Seriously they had some good food.

I'm finally feeling like myself after being sick for almost a month. I mean, I still have a bit of a headache and a sore throat, but I've been able to workout and feel GOOD again :) lalala yay.

How was everyone's week? Catch me up :)

Maddie 

What the Future Holds

Today I went back to the doctor for a check up, just to see how the medicine I took worked and if I'm feeling okay, which I am! :) I'm definitely feeling full of energy and more like myself, which I am soooo thrilled about. I knew the doctor was going to bring up if I've been eating more, and I was stern with him to make sure he knew i most surely am. I mean seriously guys, I've been doubling my portions and eating an extra meal at night too. What I don't understand is I've only gained two pounds since I saw him three weeks ago, so that kind of bothers me. For anyone who doesn't know, I have to gain about 12-15 pounds to get back to a normal weight :/ The doctor still wants me to see a nutritionist, which i'm not completely sure about. I've already learned so much about food and the body, that a nutritionist couldn't outsmart me or talk me into anything. So I guess I'll just have to see how it goes. And tomorrow (wednesday). Oh boy. I have to go back to school tomorrow after being gone for three weeks. I'll be honest and say I'm nervous. I really hope some of my teachers give me a break on the work I've missed, I know it sounds childish of me and I'm almost 18 and I should make up what I missed, but this is a different kind of school and it's hard to explain the kind of work we do haha. Anyway, I'll have to keep you guys updated on whether or not I'm even staying at this school. Loooong story.

Okay well this post is already long enough, I didnt think it would get this lengthy! How is everyone's week going? :)

Maddie

Being Honest

Happy Sunday everyone. Look I have to come right out and saying, getting pneumonia really knocked me to the floor. I haven't been myself, and I have felt absolutely terrible. I can't tell you how many times I've opened my computer, tried to write, and just sat there going crazy. I didn't want to force any junkie posts, so I just shut my laptop. I've cried more times than I can count in the past few days. Don't you hate that feeling when you just want to feel better or like yourself and it doesn't happen? It's seriously driven me crazy. I've been stuck on the couch for almost 10 days and I haven't been able to leave the house. And I am not one to just sit all day! Even when I'm sick I have a hard time staying still and resting, which isn't a very good thing haha. 

I've also had a lot on my mind about eating more. I can't mess around this time, so I have been eating a ton more. It's been tough, especially for me whose a control freak. I've had to eat huge meals when I'm stuffed from the meal before, and eat more before I go to bed, but it's what it's come down to. I have to gain a minimum of 15 pounds, so we'll see how it goes. My mom also forced me to eat some chicken soup, so I had to eat that. She also bought me a piece of salmon too, so she made me eat that. I guess I just have to suck it up. Eating no chicken or fish has done nothing good for my body, so I just have to accept that my parents are going to make me eat it. I don't agree with eating animals, but like I said I have no choice until I can get some weight on my body. I will keep updating you guys on how I'm doing. 

My iPhone came in!!! Which totally put me in a better mood. Seriously I danced when the mail guy dropped it off haha! 

So that's just whats going on with my life at the moment. I really hope to get my creativity back. I don't know if I'm going to school tomorrow (i may or may not be praying to stay home lol). I hope everyone has had a good weekend :)

Maddie

Monday Mantra

I came across this quote on Pinterest and it couldn't be more on point. We only have so many days in our lifetime. If we experience a crappy day, which we all will more than enough times, then we experience a crappy day. But the thing is, when the day is over, it's over. And it's time to start over when the sun comes up the next day. No more living in the past, and no living in the future either. Life is all about enjoying the moment you are in RIGHT NOW. Right now. You have every right to start the day feeling happy, grateful,  and overjoyed. There is no reason to ruin a perfectly bright day with emotions and feelings from the day before. Our feelings are like the ocean. As humans, we are going to feel waves of excitement, waves of sadness, anger, whatever emotion. We need to accept how we feel and let those feelings pass. So no matter what, everyday should be a new day. Start now! Even as I'm typing this, it's giving me motivation to let go of feelings I've stacked up from a couple days and release them and start over. Believe me, it feels SO good to let everything go and be in the moment. 

Just take a really deep breath in, think about everything that's bothering you or weighing you down, and exhale it alllllll out. Then smile, blast some of your favorite music, and live in the moment and BE HAPPY :) Happy Monday! 

Maddie

Weekend Vibes

// Out of this world Persian food //

 

// Major rainstorms ending with rainbows//

// Going on a long long morning walk in the beautiful fresh rain air//

// Hurting my brain thinking about my blog design (really I've been struggling lol)//

// Lighting my pumpkin candle and doing yoga when I wake up (ah bliss)//

// Snuggling in bed with my tea catching up on youtube/blogs/magazines//

// Pinning and pinning and pinning s'more (it's a bad addiction)//

// Thinking too much about the future//

How was your weekend?

Maddie

Weekly Recap ♡

So my first full week of school is over, and I have to say I'm pretty pleased. I have to get used to waking up every morning for school and getting ready again, since I did online school for a year, but I don't think it's a problem, I'll get back into the hang of things sooner or later. I'm happy with most of my classes. Dance and Acting I'm really excited about. Especially since I've never taken anything like it before. So it's a new experience for me and I'm so thrilled to take on the challenge! ;) 

I also met a lot of new people, some are a little different than others, but that's the beauty of going to an arts school. People aren't afraid to express themselves. There's a lot of kids with colorful hair and outstanding makeup, almost like for the theater. Even though sometimes you wouldn't want to approach someone like that, they are all SO nice. It's kind of taught me a lesson and reminded me to not judge someone by the way they look. 

Oooh, I also got my drivers license in the mail! Now I am officially able to drive wherevvver I want haha, with the permission of my parents lol. 

Saturday I went for a run after taking a couple days off, and it was my fastest and most powerful run I have done in a couple of weeks, which made me feel so amazing. I was almost not going to go because I felt really tired and not up to it, but I forced myself and I'm so glad I did. It really made me feel happy and strong :)

I hope everyone had a beautiful week and a fantastic weekend!! :)

Maddie 

∙•Create, Not Compete•∙

We need to create instead of compete. I sat outside just thinking about everything, and this thought popped into my mind. Wouldn't it be amazing if people everywhere just created anything they wanted to, with the intention of being happy? Not out to compete with anyone, but just for the sake of their own happiness?

Just imagine how much freedom everyone would have. No one would be looking for any anger, stress, competition. 

But why can't it be like that now? Why can't everyone just start to create what they want to? Do you want to create your own blog? DO IT! What's stopping you? The fact that someone else has 10,000 followers? Big deal, because you could get there with hard work and belief that you can.

CREATE something. ANYTHING you want. WITHOUT the intention of doing better than someone else, because THAT DOESN'T MATTER. If cutting out pictures from magazines makes you happy, then do it! Don't worry about what the end result will be, just be in the moment. Love every second of cutting those pictures out. 

By doing and creating what you want, you use your imagination and you set off more thoughts and ideas. And it will make YOU happy, and in turn that makes others happy. But don't do something to be better than, or cooler than, or smarter than 'someone else.' Create the life you want, for YOU.

Just some Tuesday thoughts ~

Maddie