Social Media

I've really been getting into Twitter and Instagram lately. Don't even ask me about Pinterest, I could  scroll on that for hours haha! But I want to know more about what people think of Twitter and Instagram. There are so many blog posts stressing how important it is for bloggers to stay connected through social media, and I'm just wondering how many actually do. There are days where you can't get me off of the internet, but some days I feel like its all fake, you know? It's not like how it used to be, where you can genuinely make new friends. Now it's more like "I'll follow your blog if you follow mine" and that drives me insane. 

Does anyone else feel the same way? On instagram, I'll be scrolling through some of my favorite accounts, and all the comments say are "like for like" "first" "follow back". I mean seriously! These social platforms are meant to help and create. Now it's all turned into a competition to see who can get more followers or likes. It truly makes me sad and I wish I could change it.

Now that I have my iPhone, I'm really making it a priority to make my twitter and instagram accounts nice and fitted to me. I want to put out genuine content and meet real, genuine people. I think it would be so cool to connect with different bloggers around the world. Wouldn't it? I've tried to join some of those blogger chats, but they are on a completely different time zone than me so it's so difficult to do. But one of the big reasons I started blogging was to make friends. I LOVE to chat with people who have some of the same interests as me, like many people do. So I think getting to know people through social media is awesome. It's important to me and I don't want fake people to troll my accounts either. But, i guess thats what comes with it nowadays so I shouldn't complain. 

What do you think about social media today?

Maddie

Being Honest

Happy Sunday everyone. Look I have to come right out and saying, getting pneumonia really knocked me to the floor. I haven't been myself, and I have felt absolutely terrible. I can't tell you how many times I've opened my computer, tried to write, and just sat there going crazy. I didn't want to force any junkie posts, so I just shut my laptop. I've cried more times than I can count in the past few days. Don't you hate that feeling when you just want to feel better or like yourself and it doesn't happen? It's seriously driven me crazy. I've been stuck on the couch for almost 10 days and I haven't been able to leave the house. And I am not one to just sit all day! Even when I'm sick I have a hard time staying still and resting, which isn't a very good thing haha. 

I've also had a lot on my mind about eating more. I can't mess around this time, so I have been eating a ton more. It's been tough, especially for me whose a control freak. I've had to eat huge meals when I'm stuffed from the meal before, and eat more before I go to bed, but it's what it's come down to. I have to gain a minimum of 15 pounds, so we'll see how it goes. My mom also forced me to eat some chicken soup, so I had to eat that. She also bought me a piece of salmon too, so she made me eat that. I guess I just have to suck it up. Eating no chicken or fish has done nothing good for my body, so I just have to accept that my parents are going to make me eat it. I don't agree with eating animals, but like I said I have no choice until I can get some weight on my body. I will keep updating you guys on how I'm doing. 

My iPhone came in!!! Which totally put me in a better mood. Seriously I danced when the mail guy dropped it off haha! 

So that's just whats going on with my life at the moment. I really hope to get my creativity back. I don't know if I'm going to school tomorrow (i may or may not be praying to stay home lol). I hope everyone has had a good weekend :)

Maddie

Getting a Bit Personal..

Okay. So i'm going to open up a little here and come right out with what I want to say. I've been going through a rough time recently, even more so the past few weeks. About two years ago, I changed my eating habits majorly when my mom went to nutrition school. She started learning so many interesting things about food, and obviously she shared the knowledge with me. I found it all very fascinating, and decided to change what I had been eating. Up until that point, I had never had a problem with food, body image or anything like that. I ate healthy like 80% of the time and indulged in what I wanted to. I ate pasta, dairy, bread of any kind, pancakes, you know all the normal stuff. Looking back at photos, I had a beautiful toned body. I didn't exercise to "burn anything off" i did it to feel good. I did things like swim some laps in my pool, yoga and barre.

So after learning about certain foods, I decided to eliminate some from my diet. My mom didn't want me going crazy, but since I never had a problem with food, she let me. I got rid of dairy, gluten, any sort of meat, and eggs. Yep, I became vegan.

At first it was sort of easy. And I felt really good. But it got hard to come up with different meal ideas and still get enough protein and calories. 

Fast forward a few weeks and I start thinking about the dreaded "nutrition label" and calorie count. I remember asking my mom how many calories we should eat in a day and I think that's where it all started. 

I started majorly cutting back on everything I ate. I still remained vegan, but on occasion I would eat fish just because I felt like I should in front of my parents so they knew I wasn't up to anything weird.

Well I was.

After a couple months of changing my eating, I had lost about 10 pounds. But that I mean any kind of fat I had, and muscle. I lost my period. And on top of all of this (which I forgot to mention earlier) I had started over-exercising. By that I mean running on the treadmill like a crazy person every single day. When I think about what I did some days, I'm surprised I've never been admitted to the hospital. I remember not eating more than a handful of nuts one day, and then being so frantic over the calories I went and ran for 30 minutes full speed. Ugh.

And running gave/gives me a high. It releases stress (while I'm running). I'm able to run like this because of my genetics, my build and all of that stuff. And the more I ran the easier it got to be able to run faster and longer, so it was like a self-competition. I would keep wanting to out-do myself and run further and longer than the days before. 

Because of this over-exercising and calorie restriction, I started noticing things about my body. My beautiful thick hair I once had was now brittle and shedding majorly. My nails became weak. I always felt tired, my skin started to dry out, I stopped growing so much hair (and being italian I always had slightly hairier arms/legs than average!) Basically my body was telling me to stop everything I was doing.

But I ignored these signs and kept up my routine. So fast forward to now. Over a year later. I'm very underweight (like 15-20 pounds). I'm fully vegan. I don't ever indulge, maybe I'll eat some dark chocolate every now and then, but it's hard for me to have any sort of dessert or something special without feeling guilty about it later. The only special things I have are hand made by me, all vegan and gluten free delicious creations. I've spent hours over-exercising like a maniac running, strength training, and everything in between. I have a very hard time eating the right amount of calories. And you know that heart to heart I mentioned I had with my mom? Yeah that was about this whole thing.

I'm aware that I have an eating disorder. I was diagnosed with it and literally wanted to faint. I remember learning about these eating disorders in health class laughing with my friends saying, "who would ever do that to themselves??" Honestly I cant believe I became one of those girls.

After some conscious decisions today (and believe me it's really hard on me mentally) I think I'm going to stop running/over-exercising. I'm done hurting myself. Running became an obsession, a way to "burn off" what I had eaten. It also started taking over my life in crazy ways, where I would make sure I had no plans on the weekends or after school so I could make sure I would fit it in. My mom told me she doesn't mind if I don't eat whatever I don't want to eat, as long as I get enough. So basically I have to triple or quadruple the amount of food I'm eating. Which, is a very tough thing for me to do. It's like a safety net for me. I didn't really mention it in this post, but I've gone through a lot of crap the past couple of years, and all of this has kind of gone along with it. She warned me that if I don't start gaining weight soon and eating more, she's gonna make me go to a doctor or nutritionist. The only reason she hasn't brought me anywhere is because she really believes in me, and I can't thank her enough for that.

After reading/ discovering The Balanced Blonde and reading this post from Chocolate Covered Katie, I'm finally ready to change my life. I'm tired of always being tired, fatigued, looked at in funny ways. Oh yeah, I should probably mention I lost my amazing butt I had, along with any "curves" I had....I wish I could say I wasn't crying right now but thinking about the body I had when I was happy and anxiety free makes me cringe. It was beautiful and perfect the way it was. Now I am very boney, lanky and people always ask me if I'm okay or if I eat enough. Of course I lie because what else would I do? But like I said, I'm done with this phase of my life. Isn't it crazy that I'm jealous of the body I got rid of? Now all I want is to have my old body back. My toned abs and lifted butt (thanks to barre). I should mention I'm tall (5'7'') and I have very long legs and arms (its just how I'm built, my dad and many family members are the same way) so being very underweight doesnt do me any good. 

So basically I'm starting to eat more, but it's going to take a lot of mental strength to do. It's very tough for a person with an eating disorder to just suddenly start doing something totally different. I'm going to take a break from running and see what happens. Already though, I feel a weight lifted off my chest that i dont have to go anywhere, you know? Instead of having a joyful feeling to go out and run, it's become a chore and its been creating anxiety in me all day every day. And it's been hurting my hips and knees too, and all I've done is ignore the signs. 

I still want to exercise, because that's just the competitive side of me. I love to push myself and I love to sweat, and yes sometimes (a lot of the time) i over do it. and i dont eat enough. But all that is going to change now. I'm going to start doing more HIIT, strength training, and take walks instead of running. I absolutely love walks. And I'm completely addicted to yoga! That has helped me so much with clearing my mind and easing my crazy thoughts. I just have to remind myself that when I'm pushing myself hard like I do, I need. to. eat. more.

This is very personal for me to post, so I hope it doesn't totally shock any of you. I don't really know what else to say, but if any of you are going through something similar or you have any thoughts/suggestions, please leave them down below. I wanted to share this because I felt like I had to. I don't want to seem all happy and cheery when I'm going through something major in my life. I don't ever want to hide anything from my readers. I also felt like I had to share this with someone, and maybe one of you reading this will relate I dont know. I've gone through this for a while and this journey has been a major part of my life, but seeing as I am almost 18, I think I'm ready to change my ways and finally take control of my life again. I would love to meet with Jordan from The Balanced Blonde, because her journey with food and over-exercising is very similar to mine and talking with someone who totally gets it would be so freaking awesome. How do I get in touch with her?!?

Maddie

Setting Goals

I came across a blog earlier and the post I was reading was about setting weekly goals. Of course I've heard of this but it's the part of me that never actually did it. After reading the post, I sat staring at my computer like "why haven't I done this yet?" I had an ah-ha moment that when you write down goals for yourself to accomplish, you'll be more motivated and willing to check it off the list and have that satisfaction of completing something for yourself. 

So I think I'm going to start making this a weekly thing. I want to write and share my goals with you, and try my best to accomplish what I can during the week. And they don't have to be outrageously scary goals either, it can be something as simple as cleaning your room or going through clothes to get rid of. BUT it is important to make bigger goals too, because I do like the ones that make me feel a little bit scared :) Like, finally having the guts to apply for the job I want, or take a leap with my blog, dye my hair-haha! 

Hope this gave you a bit of inspiration on this fine day! :) Feel free to leave any of your goals down in the comments, I love hearing from you xx

Maddie

Monday Mantra

I came across this quote on Pinterest and it couldn't be more on point. We only have so many days in our lifetime. If we experience a crappy day, which we all will more than enough times, then we experience a crappy day. But the thing is, when the day is over, it's over. And it's time to start over when the sun comes up the next day. No more living in the past, and no living in the future either. Life is all about enjoying the moment you are in RIGHT NOW. Right now. You have every right to start the day feeling happy, grateful,  and overjoyed. There is no reason to ruin a perfectly bright day with emotions and feelings from the day before. Our feelings are like the ocean. As humans, we are going to feel waves of excitement, waves of sadness, anger, whatever emotion. We need to accept how we feel and let those feelings pass. So no matter what, everyday should be a new day. Start now! Even as I'm typing this, it's giving me motivation to let go of feelings I've stacked up from a couple days and release them and start over. Believe me, it feels SO good to let everything go and be in the moment. 

Just take a really deep breath in, think about everything that's bothering you or weighing you down, and exhale it alllllll out. Then smile, blast some of your favorite music, and live in the moment and BE HAPPY :) Happy Monday! 

Maddie

So Crazy

Okay, hello!! I am still here. I can't believe it's been like 5 days since I posted something and I feel really bad about that. This week went bye so fast, honestly I don't even remember it being monday. I actually had more homework than normal, and I kind of just felt off. I dont know, I've been over thinking a lot of things and the past few days I've just needed time to myself. I haven't even really been using my computer that much which is a shocker haha, cause I'm ADDICTED to it! But anyway, after going to this meditation/yoga class with my mom a couple nights ago, I feel so much clearer and calmer. I was letting myself slip into that hole of sadness and anxiety again and I wanted to catch myself before I really got caught in it. 

Anyway, it's kind of late at night and I was watching a few (haha or more) youtube videos and listening to some of my favorite throwback songs, and all of the sudden I felt this sense of knowingness that I am going to be okay, future-wise. It's kind of hard to explain, but this past week (and for the past 2 years) I have struggled with worrying too much about what I'm going to do after high school. I have some sort of general idea, but I have always let fear get in my way. Tonight, I felt like that fear lifted off of my chest in a way. Like right now, I feel like I can pack up my things and just move, like I've wanted to for ever since I can remember. Do any of you have that problem? Just wanting something so badly but blowing the idea away because you think you're not worthy or good enough for it? Yeah that's what I've always felt.

So I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I guess I will just start writing what I want to say. For a good year now, I've wanted to start uploading my own youtube videos. I uploaded ONE video on my birthday this year, and then sort of chickened out and never gave it a second chance. Well I'm telling you right now, I am SO ready to finally upload what I want to. I mean, I have so much motivation right now it's crazy. I have let fear push me away and change my mind and let me feel inferior, and I'm tired of it. After going through so much crap over the past couple of years, after giving up and hitting rock bottom, I am ready to just be me and do whatever the hell I want. Because it's my life and I wasted precious years, months, days just sitting and over thinking and not doing anything that made me happy. Yes I kind of wish I can turn back time, but without these horrible never ending days, I wouldn't have the knowledge I do today. 

I want to continue with my blog, but now I really want to put forth more effort. I will admit, yes I am AFRAID of putting out some content just because of what other people might think. I know it sounds stupid but its what the internet does to people. It creates this sort of competition. And I'm done being afraid, I'm just going to BE ME and do what I want. I feel so free and so open to new things, and I really want to inspire anybody reading this to stop worrying about other people, stop worrying about the future, the past, the haters, the whiners. JUST STOP AND BREATHE AND BE IN THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW. Right. NOW. You can change the way you feel in an instant, and I did tonight, and now look at me haha. I have all of these thoughts going through my head and I just have to get them out before I go to bed :) 

So in a nutshell, I'm just going to push myself. I'm going to challenge myself to write down my goals, to do what makes me happy, to do what I WANT even if it makes me a little scared or nervous, because that's life and those are emotions we feel, but we don't have to let them take over our lives. I'm ready to finally be me and do/create what I want. And I can't wait to share it with you guys :) 

I hope this wasn't too long or pointless but I just had to write a little bit. Again school kind of took over this week so I'm sorry for not putting anything up-I wouldn't want to put out bad content just for the sake of putting something up :)

I love you-whoever is reading this :)

Maddie

Autumn is Coming

(pictures are from my pinterest board <3)

As much as I absolutely love summer and summer clothing, I can't help but find myself daydreaming about pumpkins and sweaters and thick socks with booties. Is it just me?? I never thought I would wish for summer to be over, but now that school has started as well, I'm kind of just accepting the fact that time is just going to keep on moving. I even went looking for my Bath And Body Works "Pumpkin Cupcake" candle, which smells like straight up pie if you ask me! Every Fall I ALWAYS wear oversized sweaters with a deep lip. It screams fall/winter to me. And it's super classy. I also love to wear plaid, along with a messy bun and some cute booties. The pictures above really got me in the mood. :)I especially love to wear burgundy on my body and my face. Even switching up my blush to a deep red totally changes the look of an outfit and face.

What do you guys like to wear in the Autumn time?

Maddie 

The Secrets of Blogging Tag

Happy Wednesday everyone! Hang in there the week is halfway over ;) Anyway, I was tagged by Victoria to do the Secrets of Blogging Tag. If you want to see my answers then just keep reading!

1. When did you start blogging and why?

I started blogging over a year ago, but I was a confused mess. I didn't know what to create or put out there, and I felt scared to do absolutely anything. I put a few posts up here and there but nothing to keep readers, and I didn't even like what I was posting! I started properly blogging in May of this year because I love to write and I have been reading blogs for a couple of years now. It just felt like the right time :)

2. How many people in real life know about your blog?

Only my parents. It's kind of weird but that doesn't bother me. I don't want any of my other family members to know about it because, I don't know how to say this any other way, but they are crazy and whacked.  And I'm just starting to make friends at my new school, so I don't plan on bringing up my blog just yet.

3. What are your favorite posts to read? 

I love reading all different kinds of posts. Fashion, beauty, lifestyle, interior design...It all depends on my mood!

4. List a blog you've recently discovered. 

Galadarling.com --it's all about self-worth and making the most out of everything!

5. What post are you most proud of? 

That one is kind of hard. I haven't been blogging for THAT long, so I can't pick from a ton. I really like my food posts and my inspiration boards :)

6. What advice would you give to future bloggers? 

Write about what you love, and never force anything, because in the end you won't like it and you won't get readers to like it either. What you put out comes back so put out passion and love and it will come back!

That's it! I'm tagging:

In Katie's Corner

Love, Ashley Christina 

Willow Tea

Have a beautiful day!! :)

Maddie 

Back to School Style Inspiration♡

As you can see I'm really into the neutrals and ripped denim right now haha. Since I'm going back to school (as in a public school, no more online, eeeep!) I get to get all pumped up for buying new school clothes. But I've needed some inspiration and I keep finding myself getting pulled towards simple outfits with delicate jewelry. I'm even loving the bohemian look a LOT. 

I've never really had an edgy style before but I guess that's just what I'm evolving into. I really admire the ripped denim high-waisted shorts, because you can pretty much style them up or down. And I need to get my hands on a nice pair of white sneakers desperately. Because who doesn't own a nice pair of sneakers? me. *straight emoji face*

Also, the whole crop top frenzy is really getting to me. A couple months ago I didn't even bother to like them, but I've literally scrolled through hundreds of different cropped shirts, and I can't believe I'm saying it but I love them...and I want to go and buy stacks of them haha! I know I'm not the only one ;)

Say tuned for more of my style inspiration posts coming soon! Sorry I'm just getting giddy over being able to get dressed again for school lol. #Homeschoolproblems

Maddie

A little life update ☯

Hey guys! I hope you're having a great start to the week :) My life has been a littttlee hectic so I thought I would just fill you guys in on what's going on.

Okay basically, for the last year, I've been doing online school. For the most part I liked it, and there is really nothing to complain about. I've gotten ahead with my classes, and it gives me a pretty flexible schedule. I mean, I'm literally able to do whatever I want or go where ever I want everyday, which is amazing. The thing is, I thought it would've of made me a lot happier as a person, but it truly hasn't. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely in a much better spot mentally than I was 12 months ago, but I still don't feel 'right.' Being at home everyday for school, it can get really draining. Unless you have something planned, you don't leave the house, and this isn't something I really put a lot of thought into. For the first two months, it really wasn't that bad. It kind of felt like summer vacation. But after that, I started to get depressed and lonely, because my mom started her own business and created work for her to do outside of the house. And both of my brothers go to public school, so I was home alone allllll the time. And it started to bother me. I wanted to get a job, but that's a loooong story and we'll just keep it at that haha.

Anyway, it's a year later and my mom brought up a high school that she found through a friend. I would only go here for a year, since this is my last year (god that makes me cringe). It's an arts school, so it specializes in dance, theater, painting/drawing, film making, graphic design, photography, fashion, and basically anything artsy you can think of. Well when my mom told me this i started crying in her arms, because it's something I've been wishing for. A school to learn about what I love and live for. 

So me and my mom got in contact with the head of the school, and I'm scheduled to tour the school in two days. AND, registration for the school is already closed, so if they accept me, it is basically fate that I'm supposed to go to this school. I mean, how crazy is that? I'm just a little anxious because I have never been to a school like this, and it's my last year, so I would be kind of like the newbie in a sea of professionals. I guess I shouldn't worry about it because I would hope I'm happy at this school, but who the heck knows! I have had SUCH a hard time deciding whether I should go there or not...Because if I stayed with online school, I would take classes at a college campus also and get college credits, and get a job. And depending on how much time I would have free if I went to the other school, I would still want to get a job, too...I mean I just have no idea. Please give me some of your thoughts here!! 

So that's a little spot of my school life, I also have some family coming up to stay with us for a few days, but that shouldn't stop me from blogging ;) It's also my brother's birthday this weekend, so I think we'll be doing a little something to celebrate that also. Busy busy busy!

I'm also in need of a haircut desperately. I need to get at least 3 or 4 inches off, and yes that's kind of a lot for me but I want a major change. *Like adding purple major change lol*

I hope everything is going great in your life, and let me know in the comments what you've been up to :)

Maddie

5 Ways To Make Your Day Better

I don't know about you, but sometimes I wake up in a not so great mood. Even though, for the most part, I try to always stay on the positive side of things, my emotions are too strong and they pull me in the wrong direction. On days like this it's a little tougher for me to find motivation to do things, so I got an idea to share with you guys some little tips on what I do to get out of the weird funk. 

Make a beautiful, delicious breakfast// Okay this one might be weird, but if it's morning and you find yourself unhappy or 'not in the mood', make something good to eat! I love food, like a lot of it lol, and breakfast is probably my favorite meal of the day. Usually I have a nice warm bowl of oatmeal with fruit, nuts, and cinnamon or a delicious green smoothie. It all depends, but I always make sure to make my meal look pretty. It makes me happy! :)

If you're angry or holding tension, exercise// It might not seem like you would want to exercise if you're unhappy, but trust me, it HELPS. Even if you punch your pillows as hard as you can, you will exert that negative energy out of your body and release "feel good hormones" into your brain. I personally like to do something everyday, whether its run, lift weights, do squats, swim, or yoga. I always make sure to switch it up so i don't get bored, because I'm the type of person that can't have the same routine for very long.

Get up, and dress up!// Make yourself look beautiful! Throw on a great outfit that makes you excited, or if you have a new shirt that you haven't worn, wear it! Then, put on a little makeup, or a lot! Who cares, just do what makes you happy. Add the extra cat flick or go for a bold lip. Sometimes when I'm feeling rebellious, I like to wear dark lipstick. It makes me feel SO good ;)

Go for a walk// If the weather is nice, going for a walk is something I love to do, whether if I'm by myself, with a friend or with my family. It clears my head, and often it's when I get some great ideas coming to mind. Plus, there is nothing better than hearing nature. I love to stop in the middle of countless tall trees and just stare at the sky and think about life. You have to remember that we are only given this life once after all, so anything making you upset is really meaningless. Breathe a couple of breaths and feel grateful for everything.

Watch your favorite movie and bake some treats// This might not be for everyone, but yes I am like an 80 year old grandmother, okay?! There is nothing that makes me happier than staying home at night, watching I Love Lucy or the Parent Trap, and baking some cookies. And then eating handfuls of dough lol. And doing it with a friend or my mom is even better!! ;) 

Yes some of these are weird tips, but they help me get out of weird moods and if you've never tried any before you should, just to see if they help you too. Remember, each day is just a day. If you have one bad day, don't scold yourself, and don't hold on to negative energy. Before you go to bed, make a list in your head of things that make you happy, or things that your grateful for. Think about exciting things coming up in your life. When I do this I tire my mind and fall asleep. And then you can start a brand new, fresh day! :) SMILE!! 

Maddie

White Space

There is just something so intriguing to me about white space. Simple colors, simple lines. Even though the setting is incredibly monotone, it gives the viewer freedom to imagine something greater. Using white as a main color allows for someone to do absolutely anything with the room. 

For me, I love to stick with black and white. It's so classy, and it's always in style. Adding pops of bright colors like cobalt blue or soft pastels make for a totally different vibe. This is the kind of color scheme I will want in my own home or apartment when I move out, and it's funny that I'm obsessed with it now because a couple years ago I absolutely hated it. Isn't it weird how we can change so much in such little time?

I'm intrigued to know if any of you like this sort of style. Or do you prefer more vibrant main colors and softer accents? Let me know your thoughts! 

Maddie

The Urge

I feel like I need to get something off of my chest. All of the sudden as I sat down I got this urge to write about what  I'm feeling right now, and since this is like my diary, I thought I would just share with you, who ever is reading this.

I'm going through a stage, or period in my life where I really want to break the heck out of my shell. I want to explore as many possibilities as I can and try my very best at things I'm passionate about. Things like blogging, design, photography, modeling, writing, music, and just creating anything in general. But, and I hate to say this, but I feel like I don't belong where I live. Where I live is small, and I personally don't think it's right for what I want to do. Somewhere I need to be is a place like California or New York...California is a lot more believable, cause New York is very expensive and across the country, but I have always seen myself living in Cali, on the beach, enjoying every second of life I can. It's the land of opportunity, where a creative weirdo like me would fit right in. I won't lie, I'm getting choked up as I'm writing this..I want to leave so badly and just start my life already...Does anyone else feel like this?? 

As hard as it will be for me to leave my mom and dad, I need to grow a backbone and realize that growing up is apart of nature and I'm gonna have to do it sometime or another. It's hard for me to imagine that I am already 17 and I will be leaving soon, not because I have to, but because I WANT to. And it's taken me a long time to figure out if I was going to or not. 

Another thing that is bothering me is getting a job. I really really really want to get one, and I really want to start making money. And I don't just want to make money for the sake of having money, but I want to earn it and show myself that I can. And, I need to start saving up a lot of it if I'm planning and dreaming of leaving the state.

I guess I could say I have a perfectly imperfect dream in my head. I know, for the most part, what I want to do, but I need to work hard to get there, to that point. Oh, and my whole school situation. That's a whole other post. It's really been keeping me up at night. Do I stay online or do I go back to a regular school?? I really miss being around people and teachers, i really do. And I keep thinking, maybe I made the wrong decision to switch over to online. Honestly I have no fricken idea. But right now I've been having a hard time with that.

Anyway, I guess this was just a random spur of the moment journal session haha. Are you guys going through anything at the moment? If you ever need someone to talk to, please never hesitate to talk to me. That's something that I love to do, is give advice and talk to people who need talking to. I hope everyone is having a great day or night :)

Maddie

Sketchy

So I think I found a new obsession: doodling. But especially with the fine-point black sharpies. Am I the only one that finds it so satisfying to draw with those? They make the most perfect, smooth lines and even if you mess up you can create something out of it. I started looking up pictures on pinterest and google to just mess around, but then I found myself sitting in the exact same spot for 3 hours trying to perfect a drawing! It was crazy. A couple nights ago I even forgot to eat dinner, that's how intensely I was into it.

And for those who don't know, I also have an attachment to the yin-yang symbol, don't ask me why. But ever since I can remember, probably since the 3rd grade, I've always loved it. I even have a chocker necklace that's very tumblr looking haha. So I looked up a picture to doodle and 2 hours later that's what I finished. The calligraphy I did actually surprised me, because I've wanted to learn calligraphy for ages now, and seeing that I actually have a chance of being okay at it makes me happy! 

I'm gonna try and doodle my own ideas, because it's kind of boring to always copy something. I've been doing at least one sketch a day, and I find it's making me think a lot more clearly, kind of like I used to when I was painting and playing the piano. Man I really need to get into that again. 

Do any of you doodle? I would love to hear from you :-)

OH p.s.-my house currently smells like Thanksgiving and apple pie thanks to my granola baking in the oven. Recipe will be up tomorrow ;)

Maddie

∙•Create, Not Compete•∙

We need to create instead of compete. I sat outside just thinking about everything, and this thought popped into my mind. Wouldn't it be amazing if people everywhere just created anything they wanted to, with the intention of being happy? Not out to compete with anyone, but just for the sake of their own happiness?

Just imagine how much freedom everyone would have. No one would be looking for any anger, stress, competition. 

But why can't it be like that now? Why can't everyone just start to create what they want to? Do you want to create your own blog? DO IT! What's stopping you? The fact that someone else has 10,000 followers? Big deal, because you could get there with hard work and belief that you can.

CREATE something. ANYTHING you want. WITHOUT the intention of doing better than someone else, because THAT DOESN'T MATTER. If cutting out pictures from magazines makes you happy, then do it! Don't worry about what the end result will be, just be in the moment. Love every second of cutting those pictures out. 

By doing and creating what you want, you use your imagination and you set off more thoughts and ideas. And it will make YOU happy, and in turn that makes others happy. But don't do something to be better than, or cooler than, or smarter than 'someone else.' Create the life you want, for YOU.

Just some Tuesday thoughts ~

Maddie

Are You an Introvert?

I was at the bookstore with my mom a couple days ago and I spotted Company Magazine in the sea of all the other magazines. I was shocked because my bookstore never carried this magazine before and I've been dying to read it for a couple months now, so as soon as I saw it I grabbed it right away! Anyway, I was reading through it and absolutely loving it. And, this may be cheesy or weird, but I love how everything in it is priced with pounds or euros, and they use English words that us Americans don't use, so it made me feel like I was actually in England...cries.

The point of this post is about an article I read in the magazine, and it really got me thinking. It was all about how introverted people are thought of the wrong way. I mean think about it, when you think of someone who is 'introverted' you think of someone who is shy, quiet, un-confident, simple..right? That's what comes to my mind. But after reading the article I quickly got to scolding myself thinking where did I even come us with those words?? 

An introvert is someone who could be totally social and talkative, but the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is simply this: an introvert needs time alone to recharge and re-energize, while an extrovert needs to be around people to feel re-energized. It all makes a lot of sense to me now. I think introverts get a bad wrap in society. Personally, I know I'm an introvert, and saying that doesn't bother me the slightest bit. I'm a very talkative, outgoing person, and when I want to speak up boy do I speak! (I've kinda gotta be careful with that lol.) But I definitely need my time alone. If I don't get the right amount of alone time in a day, I feel drained and frantic, you know like when you can't think straight. I'll admit, I could only hang around crowds of people for so long before I feel like I need to get away and come back to reality.

Some of the most successful business owners and celebrities are introverts; like Beyoncé (i know right! i couldn't believe it!) Christina Aguilera, Pink, and Lady Gaga to name a few. And not that it matters, but that made me feel better about it too haha.

So I'm curious, are any of you introverts, or extroverts? Do you think this information describes you, or what you thought? Let me know in the comments!

Maddie

Are you a #GIRLBOSS?

Okay, so this book has definitely made it's way around numerous blogs and best-seller lists, but have you picked it up yet? Honestly, I am SO glad that I started reading this in Barnes and Noble a couple weeks ago. I had heard so much about it, and so when I saw it on the shelves (there was ONE left, so I knew it was fate for me to pick it up) I grabbed it as soon as I could and whipped open the pages. 

I was able to get about 35 pages in before I had to leave, and I couldn't believe how much I liked it. I was sucked into Sophia's way with words and how she makes her story seem so relatable. I really, reaalllly wanted to buy the book that night, but my mom promised me she would get it for me off of Amazon, and fast forward to this monday, and it came in the mail!

So anyway, I've pretty much finished the book. Not entirely, I probably have 50 pages or so left, but WOW. I can't even begin to tell you how influencing this book is. It's making me literally want to get off my ass and start an empire. From the beginning of the book, Sophia makes it clear that she started from rock bottom, like no house or money or food rock bottom. Then, she kind of skips around in the book from different jobs she's had, to what decisions ultimately created the multimillion dollar company she has today. When reading what she's gone through, or some of the stupid decisions she's made, and her thoughts and feelings on certain things, it makes me feel so much more confident in myself to know that everyone is afraid of something. Not everyone knows what they want to do, and not everyone is willing to work for something they want. That's why Sophia is where she is today, because she decided that after not giving a crap about her work life (you'll have to read the book), she made a change with her attitude and her outlook on life and finally set out to do something. 

She also makes it very clear numerous times throughout the book that she has worked her ass off. And that when being a #GIRLBOSS, you should too. It's not always putting pressure on yourself, but mentally making changes in your behavior. Like doing something everyday to get closer to a goal. Or giving 100% percent at a job, even if you might not enjoy it. This book is filled with so many inspiring chapters, and it's definitely a must-read for anybody willing to chase after something they want. 

It's definitely planted a seed in my head!! :) I'm sad I'm almost done reading it, but so excited to begin different projects I've wanted to do. 

Are you going to pick up this book and become a #GIRLBOSS with me?

xx,

Maddie

Stress Less: What Yoga Has Done For Me

Here is another post for my “Stress Less” series on the blog today. Oh the wonders of yoga, haha! I’ll start off by saying I’m not that new to yoga. When I was younger, like ten or 11, I would take classes two times a week for about an hour. It’s young I know, but boy did it relax me. I still remember the dimly lit room, the amazingly scented candles, and how the teachers would cover our eyes at the end and spray our feet with essential oils. It was nice :)

Fast forward a few years, and here I am really throwing myself into the world of yoga. Before last year, I had no idea there were so many ways of yoga practice. There’s so many to name, but practices like Vinyasa, Hatha, Bikram, Nidra, Aerial, etc! It amazes me that they are all so different.

When I first started practicing yoga by myself a little over a year ago, I didn’t see the purpose of it. I didn’t look deep enough into what it was really doing for me. I almost gave it up for good, until I started researching different techniques. I also watched different youtube videos, which helped me to do more advanced moves. I ended up learning a lot, and I found that I like a faster moving flow, more breathe and things like that. Not always, because sometimes the slow relaxation flows do wonders. But it really sucked me into it!

When I finally started to understand what it does for the mind, I was addicted to it. At first, I though yoga was just another form of exercise or strength training. But it is SO much more than that. You learn to control your breath, your thoughts, your body, you build amazing body strength, flexibility, stability and the list goes on and on. I find that ever since I started doing yoga a couple times a week, I’ve been a lot calmer in situations where I would usually start to freak out or get anxiety. Since I’ve seen such amazing results with my inner self, I really want to start doing yoga every morning. Even if it means I have to wake up 30 minutes earlier, it really makes a difference in my day.

Along with changes in my mind and thoughts, I feel so much stronger! Really, even my mom was like “what are you doing to get your arms that toned?!” I’ll admit I got kind of excited when she said that, especially since I have thin boney arms, I’m glad I’m finally starting to build muscle. It also strengthens your core amazingly, your legs, pretty much every muscle of your body.

I have also recently found a yoga studio with my mom, and her and I have started to go together every Saturday morning. Let me tell you, after I finish my class, I feel like a new person. I sweat in that class, literally!! But we also do slow moves with long breaths that literally re-charge you and relax you to the point of sleeping. When I walk out, I feel so grateful and happy to be alive, and it sounds weird but my inner thoughts just change immediately.

So as you can see, I really have nothing bad to say about yoga haha. It just takes a little time to get used to! With our world going as fast as it is, and everyone is so busy doing other things, people don’t take enough time for themselves, and when it comes time to slowing down sometimes it’s hard on people because we aren’t used to taking things slower. So if you don’t do yoga, I want you to give it a try. Maybe grab a friend or your parent and try a yoga studio. You’ll really feel a difference in yourself.

Xx,

Maddie