Weekly Recap

Okay, so this week was a bit of a blur to me! It went bye really fast and was filled with so many different emotions. in my last post I talked about how crazy confused I am about my "diet"/lifestyle, and looking at it now I feel kind of stupid about it.

I've talked to so many different bloggers about this, and I even got in touch with Jordan from the Balanced Blonde (formerly the Blonde Vegan). If any of you know her blog, you know that she was a very strict vegan until last year when she came out about her eating disorder. She has a huuuuge following, and for her to be able to get back to the email I sent her made me absolutely ecstatic. And the email was long and loving and so so amazing, and basically saved me from going into a deep whole of another disorder. I basically told her I'm totally lost with what to do about my disorder, meaning if I should try these certain lifestyles like high carb or high fat. Jordan answered perfectly that I know deep down doing these fad diets not only cause me more of a restrictive mindset, but also inner competition. It's hard to explain but she did so well.

So anyway, I'm not going on a high carb diet. I had low energy, and I'm getting signals from my body that it wasn't working, like my thinning hair and dry skin. Basically I need to get back to the way I was eating, but more. Which brings me to my next point, my calories and fitness. I'm taking a two week break from exercise, which if you know me is totally unheard of. I haven't taken that long of a break for over a year. It's crazy but its true. I read another blog post from Emma D Fitness, and she basically has the same story as me. She lost her period, restricted her food, and became obsessed with healthy food and overexercising. ME. She explained in her post that she had come to the realization in the midst of her eating disorder that what she was doing to her body was absolutely pointless. She was obsessed with having abs 24/7 (guilty) and always pushing herself to her limits (guilty again). She knew she had to gain body fat because she had none in order to get her period back, and to do this she needed to up her calories and stop working out for the time being. To make this story shorter, she did, despite being addicted, stop exercising for 2 weeks and majorly ate more. She didn't gain a ton of weight funnily enough, but she did get her period back. And that was the beginning of her recovery. And I've come to the realization that that's what I have to do too. It's so hard for me not to exercise or at least do yoga everyday, but I HAVE to get my body back to normal. I'm sick of being so thin and tired all the time. For what? I miss my old body, where I was strong and ready to do anything all the time. I miss my thick hair and strong nails..

So yep. Starting today I'm eating a lot more, especially fats. I'm not going to exercise for at least a week or two, and we're gonna see where this goes. It's like I'm starting over on my health and fitness journey. It's time for me to get my body back in order, because I'm almost 18 and I'm 20 pounds underweight. Not good.

That's my crazy week for ya! It's been very cold and rainy every single day, which I love, but don't get me wrong I'm constantly feeling like an icicle. Most days after school I've been bundled up reading blogs and catching up on youtube videos ;)

Here's to the beginning of my new journey, day one.

Have a good weekend <3

Maddie