It's a New Year

It's a new year, and to be very openly honest, I really want to change. Not in a big way, but just improve myself. Over the last couple of months I have gone through a lot of confusion about my life, school, where and what I want to do after I graduate high school, and it all got to me. I'm still trying to ease off of myself and just let myself relax and breathe, but it takes time. 

I want to get more personal on this blog, and take it very seriously. Since my head has been anywhere but here, I feel terrible and guilty. There were some weeks where I was content and posting everyday, and over the last month or two its been every 3-5 days, and I'm not okay with that. I'm not saying I'm just gonna post something to have something go up, I want my content to be great quality that you look forward to reading. 

I want my blog to grow so much this year, and I want to DO so much this year. I want to write and achieve goals, accomplish things that scare me, and work my butt off. But at the same time, go easy on myself and tie my body a break when it needs it, because I struggled with that last year. 

The content on this blog will change a bit, I want it to be more organized. Im sort of beauty, food, lifestyle, all over the place, but I've been putting a lot of thought into it and I want to share more of what I love, like design, fashion, baking vegan things (since I am vegan haha!) and overall beauty. 

I am SO looking forward to this year. I know it's going to be amazing and filled with scary situations, but I have to get over that. Im gonna push myself, get inspired, and kick 2015's ass! ;)

Care to join me?!

Maddie

Inspirational Work Space

I've really been wanting to spruce up my desk area in my room. Well, I guess I could say I never finished it because since I started school I kind of pushed decorating my room to the side. I have had the vision of hanging a metal board or a cork board up so i could create my own inspiration boards/mood boards. I love the idea of hanging photos up because it gets my creativity flowing, and it looks aesthetically pleasing to me haha :) Personally, I like the simple lines of shelves and lines, but I also like to add pops of color, like in the photos above. All of these pictures are from my Pinterest board, which i am dangerously addicted to! I also love to have stacks of magazines either on my desk or creating a tower on the ground, it gives off such a cool vibe to me. 

What kind of work spaces do you like to work in?

Maddie

So Crazy

Okay, hello!! I am still here. I can't believe it's been like 5 days since I posted something and I feel really bad about that. This week went bye so fast, honestly I don't even remember it being monday. I actually had more homework than normal, and I kind of just felt off. I dont know, I've been over thinking a lot of things and the past few days I've just needed time to myself. I haven't even really been using my computer that much which is a shocker haha, cause I'm ADDICTED to it! But anyway, after going to this meditation/yoga class with my mom a couple nights ago, I feel so much clearer and calmer. I was letting myself slip into that hole of sadness and anxiety again and I wanted to catch myself before I really got caught in it. 

Anyway, it's kind of late at night and I was watching a few (haha or more) youtube videos and listening to some of my favorite throwback songs, and all of the sudden I felt this sense of knowingness that I am going to be okay, future-wise. It's kind of hard to explain, but this past week (and for the past 2 years) I have struggled with worrying too much about what I'm going to do after high school. I have some sort of general idea, but I have always let fear get in my way. Tonight, I felt like that fear lifted off of my chest in a way. Like right now, I feel like I can pack up my things and just move, like I've wanted to for ever since I can remember. Do any of you have that problem? Just wanting something so badly but blowing the idea away because you think you're not worthy or good enough for it? Yeah that's what I've always felt.

So I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I guess I will just start writing what I want to say. For a good year now, I've wanted to start uploading my own youtube videos. I uploaded ONE video on my birthday this year, and then sort of chickened out and never gave it a second chance. Well I'm telling you right now, I am SO ready to finally upload what I want to. I mean, I have so much motivation right now it's crazy. I have let fear push me away and change my mind and let me feel inferior, and I'm tired of it. After going through so much crap over the past couple of years, after giving up and hitting rock bottom, I am ready to just be me and do whatever the hell I want. Because it's my life and I wasted precious years, months, days just sitting and over thinking and not doing anything that made me happy. Yes I kind of wish I can turn back time, but without these horrible never ending days, I wouldn't have the knowledge I do today. 

I want to continue with my blog, but now I really want to put forth more effort. I will admit, yes I am AFRAID of putting out some content just because of what other people might think. I know it sounds stupid but its what the internet does to people. It creates this sort of competition. And I'm done being afraid, I'm just going to BE ME and do what I want. I feel so free and so open to new things, and I really want to inspire anybody reading this to stop worrying about other people, stop worrying about the future, the past, the haters, the whiners. JUST STOP AND BREATHE AND BE IN THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW. Right. NOW. You can change the way you feel in an instant, and I did tonight, and now look at me haha. I have all of these thoughts going through my head and I just have to get them out before I go to bed :) 

So in a nutshell, I'm just going to push myself. I'm going to challenge myself to write down my goals, to do what makes me happy, to do what I WANT even if it makes me a little scared or nervous, because that's life and those are emotions we feel, but we don't have to let them take over our lives. I'm ready to finally be me and do/create what I want. And I can't wait to share it with you guys :) 

I hope this wasn't too long or pointless but I just had to write a little bit. Again school kind of took over this week so I'm sorry for not putting anything up-I wouldn't want to put out bad content just for the sake of putting something up :)

I love you-whoever is reading this :)

Maddie

Weekly Recap♡

Hi guys! Man i feel like i have been away from my blog for so long. With school starting and everything my life has been SO busy but I prayed for that to happen so I'm not complaining one bit :) 

//No school on monday and a short day on wednesday, amazingness!!

//The most delicious salad for lunch everyday: Chopped apples, raisins, pepitas (seeds), walnuts/almonds, lettuce and walnut oil. It's HEAVEN

//Every night I have been going for the most calming and beautiful walks around my neighborhood. Instead of retreating back to my computer after dinner, this has been helping me to clear my mind and get me into nature and I love every bit of it.

//This isn't anything new for me, but my green smoothie with peanut butter, banana, and cacao has been extra chocolate-y and delicious, maybe it's because I'm happier and noticing the little things, but it's definitely been hitting the spot ;)

//I DROVE MYSELF TO SCHOOL. With NO adult in the car. Ahhhh can you believe it?! I can't that's for sure. I honestly can't wrap my head around the fact that I am now legally allowed to do that. I remember when I was like 10 years old thinking this day was so far away, and now it's here. Crazy. (Ps everything went fine and I'm still alive lol)

//The sunsets. My gosh they have been amazing. Bright magenta pink and neon orange, and then as the sun sets even further the sky turns a deep royal purple and cobalt blue. So grateful I am able to see them.

//Fall is almost here!! Well, it actually won't show up where I live for about another month or two which really stinks, but in my mind I'm gonna pretend I live somewhere where the leaves change and the weather gets all nice and crisp...Ahh wearing the cozy oversized sweater and ankle booties, smelling of pumpkin spice and never taking the deep cherry lipstick off :) 

What made you happy this week?

Maddie

Big Changes Coming ☼

Well. Here I am with another update. So yesterday, my mom and I went to the school I was considering switching to for a little tour. There were a couple other kids and their mom/dad with them too. When we got there I guess I could say I was a little nervous, but I was actually pretty confident and okay with everything. The person who was giving the tour was the dean, or the principle, and she seemed really nice. 

Anyway, the school isn't like a regular school. This school focuses on the arts, so dance, film, art, theater, music, painting, etc. There's no cafeteria, and there's only a few classrooms. Everything else is music rooms, dance studios, a stage. It's kind of crazy but totally cool. As I was walking around the school I was making up scenarios in my head of what it would be like to actually go there. I have to admit, I was getting pretty excited. I mean, this is what I have asked for for over a year, and here it finally came to me, like a gift from above. And I don't mean to get weird, but I have seriously prayed for something like this to come to me. I'm just not somebody who is cut out for a regular high school scene. I'm more into creating and using my brain for the better, and I want to study what I'll be doing later in life, not wasting time in a math class shoving useless information into my brain.

So when the tour was over, me and my mom walked out of the building and we both start crying. Honestly, I couldn't even catch my breath. We both know that this school is meant for me, just because it's everything I'm about, and I've had such weird messed up high school years anyway. Like, this is my 3rd school in four years!! I never thought I would say that but I guess everything happens for a reason. And i have to say I'm really excited for it to start. It's definitely going to be a change from what I've been doing for the last year, but that's what I prayed for. I prayed to be super busy, to meet friends, to go and learn things like dance and theater and graphic design. And it all fricken came to me and I just can't get over it.

Me and my mom hugged and then we laughed. Lol we're both excited. Like, my life is finally gonna start. She said she and my dad want to get me a car, and I about died when she said that. I still have to get my license, but that will be a piece of cake. Then I'll be able to drive myself to school every morning, and then back home a couple hours later. And since it's my last year I also get out earlier, so I don't have to go all day, which is a huuuuge bonus. I'm really hoping to get a job too, because I need to start making and saving money. Ahhhh this is making me excited :)

So it was kind of big day for me yesterday! I'm moving to another school and essentially changing my life haha :) Of course I'm nervous, but I have total faith in myself and this school. So, I'll definitely keep you guys updated with new news. Leave any questions down below :)

Maddie